Teen parents involved in adopted child's life in suburbs
If having love and a lot of people looking out for you means success for a child, Sara Dillon has it made.
Sara is a child with many families: the one that adopted her shortly after her birth last year; the biological mother and father who continue to play a part in her life; and grandparents and relatives on both sides.
"More people loving Sara ... how can that be bad?" asked her adoptive father, Matt Dillon.
A year after her birth and adoption, Sara's life in a suburban tri-level revolves around Diane and Matt Dillon and a Labradoodle named Sullie. Matt, a software engineer, and Diane, a part-time technical writer, are thrilled with their daughter and are working with St. Mary's Services in Arlington Heights to adopt a brother or sister for her.
Sara's birthparents have returned to the lives of typical suburban teens. Kim Bruckman, now 17, is especially enthused about her role as first clarinet at Hersey High School and she is contemplating college and a career in law enforcement. She still dates Albert Montes of Des Plaines, the 19-year-old father of her child, whose work in food service at a nursing home has led him to think business could be his field when he takes classes at Oakton Community College.
They all agreed to talk about Sara's journey to help St. Mary's demystify open adoption.
Most adoptions in the United States now involve some degree of openness where the birthparents choose the adoptive family and negotiate what type of contact they will have - from occasional letters to all kinds of get-togethers.
A recent birthday party for Sara at the Bruckmans' Mount Prospect home gathered people from all of her families, and Kim and Albert occasionally visit the Dillons' home in South suburban Tinley Park.
Sara's story has worked out so well that St. Mary's has included Kim and Albert in a video about open adoption; however, the couple's decision to place her for adoption was not easy in a climate in which many teens choose to parent their children.
Kim, who also was adopted, remembers a depressing month after Sara was born, but she knew she had made the right decision to place her daughter for adoption.
"Last year, I was 15 at the time I found out I was pregnant," she said. "I was really worried about how I would raise a child. I'm an example of a good adoption. I'm happy with my family. In the middle of the pregnancy, I wanted to parent and got confused."
It didn't help that Albert initially opposed adoption.
"I wanted to keep her," he said. "The (adoption) counselor made me think more realistically and about what I can give Sara at this moment. Thinking about the future, adoption was best."
Albert's extended family objected to the adoption. One cousin in particular treated him "like I was living in sin because I gave my daughter away," he said.
"My mother eventually got into the adoption," Albert added. "We were iffy about how people talk about it in the Hispanic community. They're not into adoption. But my mother loves the Dillons."
And he had enough life experience to see down the road a bit.
"Seeing teen parents suffer and guys would usually walk out. The relationship didn't last. That's one of the reasons why I chose adoption," he said. "I didn't like the idea of breaking up. Now our relationship is stronger than before."
Kim, whose heritage is Guatemalan, and Albert initially had different views on who should adopt their child before selecting the Dillons from about 15 couples the agency offered them.
"He wanted a Hispanic family. In my family, color doesn't really matter. I wanted someone who would love my baby," she said.
However, Kim did hold out for a Catholic family, and in the end it was Albert who championed the Dillons - even when Kim had selected another couple - after reading a book they had prepared about their lives.
"It was the smallest book in the pile," Albert said. "They had a story about how they met or started dating. It was funny and yet serious. And they had pictures of their family members. They were pouring themselves into the story in the book. And they're old. I mean they're probably in their 30s; the right age."
Things got very emotional after Sara's birth.
"Sara reminds me of me when I was a baby," Kim said. "I was overwhelmed. She was the cutest baby."
Albert agrees.
"Cuter than I thought she would be. She was so adorable."
But Kim immediately took a photo of Sara and sent it to Matt Dillon, who showed it to his wife.
"Do you want to see your daughter?" he surprised Diane.
"She was so surprised, so happy," said Matt. "Such a great reaction."
In turn, he sent Kim a copy of Diane looking at Sara's picture. It confirmed her belief that the Dillons were the right parents for her child.
Kim was not looking for a fairy tale princess life when she chose parents for her daughter.
"One couple had a huge house by a lake. It was pretty, but I don't want her to be spoiled," she said.
And many birth mothers feel that way, said Cindy Anselmo, a counselor with St. Mary's, which is an Episcopalian agency that works with all religions and races.
"They choose a family similar to their own upbringing - stable, not overly wealthy," she said.
The degree of openness of an adoption is negotiated between the parents and can vary tremendously from visits and Skype chats like Kim and Albert have with the Dillons, to letters and emails or one annual visit. Anselmo compares it to negotiating territory with in-laws.
The important thing is the advantage the relationship gives the child.
"It's a sense of peace and helpful when the adoptee is dealing with identity differences," Anselmo said. "He or she knows the true picture and has roots as well as the stability of adoption."
St. Mary's facilitates 15 to 20 adoptions a year, but despite the economy's woes, even more mothers seem to be choosing to parent this year, Anselmo said.
In her experience, mothers who choose an adoption placement are often women in their 20s and 30s who already have children and are realistic about what is involved in rearing a child.
"They are looking for a more stable family environment for their child," she said. "They want two parents, married and financially stable with the ability to provide options to the child."
Kim knows her child is safe and what kind of life she has, and she is pleased that her family and Albert's are comfortable with the adoption.
"It takes time to heal from an adoption," she said. "It's not like saying goodbye forever. I think that's what they understand. "I know this is the best for Sara. I wanted her just for myself. I realized even if I wanted her, it wasn't the best for me to keep her."
And the Dillons are looking forward to adding another family to their circle.
"We have such a perfect situation with Kim and Albert," Matt Dillon said. "It's going to be really hard to match."
Families: 'We have such a perfect situation'
More on adoption
Sara Dillon's adoption was handled by St. Mary's Services in Arlington Heights, which has information on adoption at
stmaryservices.com or (888) 786-2797.A video of the birthparents is at