Potts: Remember — kids are just kids

One of my favorite stories about my family involves one of my younger sisters.

We had stopped at an ice cream stand in the middle of a meandering Sunday afternoon drive and were standing by the car enjoying both the ice cream and the break.

As my mother reached down to wipe my little brother’s face, her ice cream fell off her cone and on to the asphalt. I guess it had been one of those days — let’s face it, taking five kids anywhere was a bit of a challenge — and my mother was near tears.

When my sister saw the empty cone in my mother’s hand, she observed as only a 10-year-old could, “Gee, Mom, so you only wanted the cone?”

I am always reminded of this story when our now-adult children start reminiscing about similar stories from their own childhood.

For example, there was the time the three youngest came home from running errands. The older two graciously agreed to let their younger sister, 11, tag along. And my wife had graciously agreed to let them drive her car.

Evidently, the older two switched the radio to a station that was seldom, if ever, heard when we parents were driving. After a few minutes of listening, the 11-year-old piped up from the back seat, “Gee, I didn’t know this car got that kind of music.”

Needless to say, the older two were near hysterical with laughter when they shared this story with the rest of us. And, perhaps, also needless to say, our then-11-year-old did not find it particularly funny at the time. (Come to think of it, my younger sister still doesn’t see why the rest of us find the ice cream story so funny). Finally, in exasperation, our daughter protested, “Hey, I’m only 11!”

Sometimes it is hard to remember that kids are just kids, especially when kids can look, talk or behave in ways that suggest they are fairly mature. We forget that when it comes to the way their brains work, the experiences they have had, the knowledge they have gleaned or the judgment of which they are capable, they are still just kids.

It is a bit easier to remember such limitations when our children are younger. They look like kids and usually act like kids.

Sometimes we may be surprised by what they don’t know, don’t notice or don’t understand — think ice cream cones and radios — but we generally will cut them some slack; it is obvious they still have a lot of growing up to do.

This is a lot harder for us parents to do when our kids are preteens, teens or young adults. Though research in cognitive, emotional and moral development suggests that even young adults still have a good deal of growing up to do, we often expect our older kids to think and act more like adults. Sometimes they do.

Yet it seems that just when we think that our older kids are no longer really kids anymore, when we are sure that they have taken a giant step into adulthood, they do something so childlike or childish that we wonder whether they have grown up at all.

Of course they have, but they also have a long way to go. Hey, if we’re honest, even we parents are still growing up to some extent.

It is always a good idea to keep in mind that kids are still kids. But as they get older, we need to help them learn to be more like adults by allowing them to make more adult choices and decisions, and take on adult responsibilities.

And since at a certain point they will be adults legally — whether or not they or we are ready — we want to do all we can to prepare them.

If this sounds like a difficult balancing act, it is. But it also is one of the most important things we do as parents.