Run will help domestic violence victims
Each weekend thousands of people take to the streets of our communities, walking and running to raise money for charities. Every one of them has found a cause to believe in, a bit of hope through helping. And every one of them has a reason for being there.Today, Ann of Wheaton, whose last name is withheld for privacy concerns, describes how domestic violence changed her self-image and how she has emerged to help victims through Family Shelter Service's Run for Her Life 5K on Sunday, Oct. 17. The Wheaton agency offers women and families in DuPage County an array of help from emergency shelter to counseling to legal guidance designed to support them as they move from abusive situations to safety.
Q. Who or what inspires you to participate? Did you sign up in honor of or in memory of someone?
A. The Run for Her Life 5K Run and Walk helps raise funds for Family Shelter Service, which has been providing emergency shelter and care to victims of domestic violence for more than 34 years. I am a domestic violence survivor and am thankful that our community has such a wonderful organization to help women and children who are victims.
Q. How has domestic violence affected you?
A. To those looking on, including my family and friends, I was living what appeared to be a charmed life. I had a handsome husband, a beautiful home, and my children were well-dressed, well-behaved and attending private school. But most days, I felt like death. After 25 years in an abusive relationship (five dating, 20 married), I no longer recognized myself. Before the abuse started, I was a spirited, career-minded young woman. I had big plans, friends and a bright future. It was a slow process, but after the abuse began, I became frightened and closed off afraid to be myself for fear of inciting his wrath. Nothing I did was right; he was hypercritical. I wasn't allowed to shine and so I stopped trying. I quit work and focused my life on my children and helped my husband with his career. Once my children were older, he started taking out his anger out on them. It was only then that I started making plans to leave.
Q. What has been difficult about dealing with domestic violence?
A. I stayed in the relationship much longer than I should have. Yes, I left when he started hurting my children, but what they witnessed for years before that still makes my heart ache. But for the longest time, I was so brainwashed; I honestly didn't understand that I was a #8220;domestic violence victim. I just told myself that it was just his bad temper. So, I lived very quiet and made myself very small. Things would be great for months and then he would explode. It took me a long time to see the pattern and understand his behavior as abnormal.
Q. What might surprise people about dealing with domestic violence?
A. No matter your education, social status, ethnicity or position in life, you can be impacted by domestic violence.
Also, I think it might be surprising to know that women love the people who abuse them. Even when I left my husband, I was still in love with him. It was so hard to go. Giving up on the relationship was devastating. I had known him since I was a child and had invested 25 years of my life with him. I still don't think of him as a bad person, but as an injured person. In spite of how much happier I am in my new life, giving up on him for good took a lot of courage on my part.
Q. What have you learned about yourself?
A. I am worthy of love and kindness from my partner; every woman every child is worthy of that kind of love. I was fortunate to have my family's support when I left my situation. Not everyone has that support and needs help to gather the courage to leave. Most importantly, communities need mechanisms in place to help young people recognize abuse behaviors and learn how to deal with violence and abuse in their lives.
Q. What support have you received from Family Shelter Service?
A. I have not personally received help, but through my association with Family Shelter, I know the stories of many, many women and children who are now living kinder, safer lives because they turned to Family Shelter for help. They offer everything from emergency shelter to counseling for victims and children, to training and education for professionals and the general public, to help getting an order of protection against your abuser. They help women regain their confidence and empower them to make major changes and revitalize their lives in safety and wellness.
Q. Have you ever done this walk before and, if so, what was the experience like?
A. I have participated as a volunteer. It is emotionally overwhelming to see all of the people who come out with their friends and family to support victims of domestic violence. It can be an uncomfortable issue to talk about and consider. Having people participate in events that support services for domestic violence victims is extraordinary and necessary to draw attention to the urgency of this issue.
Q. What would you tell someone who is interested in participating in the walk but might be the slightest bit hesitant?A. It is a family-friendly event and, despite the seriousness of the issue, a lot of fun! You can be a serious runner or a #8220;stop and smell the roses kind of walker to participate.
If you go
If you go
What: Run for Her Life 5K Run and Walk
Why: Proceeds benefit Family Shelter Service's programs to help victims of domestic violence
When: Check-in begins at 6:30 a.m. Sunday, Oct. 17; 5K begins at 8 a.m.; Kids for Kids Fun Run begins at 9 a.m.
Where: Downers Grove North High School, 4436 S. Main St., Downers Grove
Cost: $30 for the 5K; $12 for Kids for Kids Fun Run
Info: familyshelterservice.org
To donate
Donations to Family Shelter Services may be mailed to the organization at 605 E. Roosevelt Road, Wheaton, 60187; also accepted online at familyshelterservice.org
To volunteer
Volunteers can help with events or host small fundraisers throughout the year. To learn more, call Kathy Vorel at (630) 221-8290, ext. 7115.