Welcome wake-up call in Kabula, Kenya

The most common phrase spoken to us Myzungos (white people) in Kenya is, "How are you?" Well, after being here for over a week, I can answer that question honestly: I am uneasy.

One U.S. dollar is equivalent to about 80 Kenyan shillings. The average Kenyan earns 100 Ksh a day. The average breakfast from a restaurant is about 200 Ksh - so a little over $3 for eggs, toast and sausage.

Last weekend, we went to Kisumu to see another part of Kenya and experience more Kenyan culture. We treated ourselves to a 400 Ksh breakfast (a buffet of all-you-can-eat eggs, toast, sausage and tea) and after walking out of the restaurant, I've decided to change my attitude toward money.

With our tummies full (and many of our wallets looking similar - at least by Kenyan standards), we left the restaurant to walk around and see some culture. I may have bitten off more than I could chew. It is hard to spend a Kenyan's weekly salary on one breakfast and walk out to see children in used U.S. clothing from the '90s with broken sandals and dirty feet. The immediate gut reaction is guilt. I'm guilty of gluttony; I am guilty of greed; I am guilty of gorging. It is hard to have the comfort of money and look forward, backward, left and right and see people with so little.

So there is this part of me that feels ashamed. I walked out of the restaurant thinking, "Wow! All of that for only four dollars?!? What a steal!" Then you see these children with so little and you don't feel so lucky. You just feel ashamed for being so unaware.

It's a harsh reality, a slap in the face, but at the same time, it is a welcome wake-up call. One reason I brought myself to Kenya was to help those less fortunate (although, we might be the only ones who feel Kenyans are less fortunate because they are honestly so happy and welcoming here that it is salt in my fresh "I-need-to-watch-my-money-spending" open wound).

Because I come from a place with "so much more," I can't help but think that they don't know what they are missing, and I am not sure if it would be good if they did know what they were missing.

In many ways, they are unaware of our position and we are unaware of theirs. I'm not sure which viewpoint is better.