Forget heaven and earth, move Oprah and Akron for LeBron
As we ponder what the Chicago Bulls can do to lure LeBron James to town, it might help to consider King James as nothing more than a richer and more talented you. What persuaded you to take a job with your employer?
One of the bennies the Daily Herald used to woo me to the suburbs was a $5 "night differential" laid on me whenever I worked into the p.m. Perhaps the Bulls could toss $50,000 LeBron's way whenever a game goes into overtime.
Already super rich and famous playing in the small-market hamlet of Cleveland, will the National Basketball Association's most-prized free agent be influenced by NBA salary cap rules that might allow him to sign a six-year $133 million deal with his current team, and only a five-year $102 million contract with the big-market Bulls?
Chicago could find ways to get LeBron more money. The Chicago Cubs could sign LeBron to a $45 million contract to pitch for them the next couple of years. The Cubs have that same deal with unstable Carlos Zambrano, and LeBron, in addition to being a much more positive face of the franchise, might just win as many games at Wrigley in 2011 and 2012 as Zambrano does.
When municipalities need money to court developers, they turn to tax-increment financing. If Chicago declares the small forward position a "blighted area," the Bulls could offer LeBron TIF money to improve the landscape from low-post to three-point land.
But does money mean anything to a guy with so much of it already?
"Often, it's understanding what really motivates them. At LeBron's level, it's probably not just a little more money," says John Challenger, CEO of Challenger, Gray & Christmas, the Chicago-based outplacement company.
Gotcha. Perhaps LeBron could be lured with outlandish perks, such as the ones former Tyco CEO Dennis Kozlowski made infamous. Would LeBron like a $15,000 umbrella stand, a $6,000 shower curtain or a bacchanalian birthday party with vodka flowing from an ice carving of David?
New disclosure laws put an end to public companies offering CEOs those kind of excessive, crazy perks, Challenger says. But the Bulls have more freedom to offer extras to a free agent.
Membership in a private club, or allowing family members to "jump on a private jet out of Palwaukee" whenever needed would be nice perks, Challenger says. At the very least, Chicago could give him one of those ambulance transponders that turn traffic lights green.
If the way to a man's heart is his stomach, let's not only let him eat hog dogs on the bench during games, let's award him a free Big Mac every time he scores 50 points, even if the Bulls don't make it to 100.
The job of small forward doesn't sound that important, so if it's a title LeBron craves, let's call him Senior Vice President of Dunks or Secretary of Not in My House.
Maybe we could appeal to LeBron's ego by building him a statue next to the one of Michael Jordan. Construct the base the day he signs with the Bulls and add another foot to the LeBron statue every time his Bulls win a championship. In the meantime, the Tower formerly known as Sears could trade Willis for LeBron.
Flex time is an important perk for some employees. Surely we could let LeBron practice from home one day a week. We could let him adjust his schedule so that he only plays the third and fourth quarters. Give him holidays off, no Christmas Day or Martin Luther King Jr. Day games. And never make him take a road trip to Cleveland.
Of course, maybe LeBron isn't that worried about perks for LeBron.
"It might be family," Challenger says. "It might be a role or a job for the spouse that she'd be happy in."
Well, Chicago does have one job that's about to be open. Maybe Savannah Brison (LeBron's sweetheart since high school and the mother of his two children) or his mom, Gloria James, could be the new Oprah.
Let's not stop there. Let LeBron bring his entourage, and even "set up his whole extended family in a new place," Challenger says.
Or an old one.
Build a replica of LeBron's hometown of Akron, Ohio, in the neighborhood around the United Center. If we can't persuade LeBron to leave home, we can just bring home here.