Fatherhood brings on a roller coaster of emotions
There are few things in life I enjoy as much as being a father. On the other hand, there are also few things in life that I find as challenging as being a father.
It is a head-to-toe joy for me to be part of my children's lives, to share with them my love; to provide for them; to help them discover the best in themselves and in the world around them.
As I give my love to them, I often receive more than I give. As they explore their gifts and talents, and develop their interests and skills, I am surprised and excited with them.
As they reach out to others with compassion and caring, as they live out values that I too affirm, I am touched and proud. As they encounter the pleasures of simply being alive - the unexpected rainbow, the warmth of a fire on a cold winter night, the chance encounter with a long-lost friend, I celebrate life with them.
This joy in being a father, however, comes with a price tag. I know I too easily and too often fall short in fulfilling my role as a parent.
As I watch my children deal with life's disappointments and failures, I am often paralyzed between wanting to rescue them yet wanting them to learn from their mistakes, knowing that most of their learning will come through such experiences.
I search for the right words of comfort, wisdom and encouragement, but too often cannot find them. I can be tired, self-absorbed, distracted and not available to them as a father ought to be, frequently failing to share with them in the simple pleasures of life because of this. And I am very aware of how they pay a price for my own failings as a person and parent.
Ultimately I do not see any solution to this dilemma. Unless I somehow become a perfect parent (which is highly unlikely), I don't see any way I can be a part of my children's lives without inevitably coming up against my own shortcomings.
Which brings me to Father's Day. I never fail to be touched by my children's efforts to share with me their love and appreciation. Whether it's the hand-drawn card of a 4-year-old or the carefully selected tie of a 24-year-old, I am so grateful for their acknowledgment of my place in their lives.
At the same time I find myself wanting to humbly confess to them my shortcomings and failings as their father and to pledge to them that I will somehow find a way to do a better job in the years to come.
When I do this, however, I'm not really telling them anything they don't already know (and which they likely have already pointed out to me at one time or another). And ultimately I know I have received their forgiveness even before I have offered my apology.
Perhaps, then, Father's Day is both a time for children to acknowledge and honor the important role that fathers play in their lives, and for fathers to acknowledge and apologize for the times we have failed to adequately fill this role.
When we dads do so, we teach our children a more important lesson about being human and about being a parent.
And as many of them will likely be parents themselves one day, this will likely be a very important lesson for them to learn.
• The Rev. Ken Potts' new book, "Mix, Don't Blend: A Guide to Dating, Engagement, and Remarriage with Children," is available through book retailers.