Domestic abuse victims grateful for Glen Ellyn shelter's return

Her credit destroyed and her body beaten, "Jennifer" wanted to leave her abusive marriage for most of its three years. Her husband had run up more than $50,000 in debt on her credit cards.

He had threatened to kill her several times and she feared for her life. It was a life she had gotten used to but also a life she felt she had no choice but to continue.

"I was scared to get out of it because I didn't know how I would survive," said Jennifer, who withheld her real name because of safety concerns. "I had no means to support myself. You can't leave because you're trapped."

It reached a point where she would often ask co-workers to call the police if they did not hear from her for several days. But a trip in 2008 to an emergency shelter in Downers Grove run by Wheaton-based Family Shelter Services started her recovery. After three months, she was placed in an intermediate housing program.

Until last month, there weren't as many of those facilities available in DuPage County.

In the state's budget crunch, Family Shelter Services lost $400,000, or 60 percent of its funding. As a result, its Glen Ellyn shelter, which had operated since 1979, closed in July.

But last month, the agency received word that roughly $325,000 in grant money would be reinstated. That has allowed officials to reopen the Glen Ellyn emergency shelter as an intermediate housing program.

"It's more of a normal life," Jennifer said of intermediate housing as opposed to the emergency shelter. "They give you that freedom to step out the door and be in a community. You have your own room with a lock. It may not sound like much, but it's a huge difference."

The reinstated cuts have helped soften the blow on the organization and allowed it to redefine and reorganize its facilities in a more cost-efficient manner. Its Downers Grove site now has 29 beds, as opposed to the 18 it had previously.

Family Shelter Services Executive Director Karen Kuchar says having the right type of care for its clients is crucial.

"The women and children have just been through a trauma," Kuchar said. "They feel as though they are the only one with the problem."

In the intermediate home, clients receive coaching that helps them determine what they need to do to recover and live independently. Kuchar said many women feel the need to stay in abusive relationships because they fear for their financial security.

"They think if they leave, they are not going to be able to support their family," she said. "That's one of the things we address right away."

The shelter offers financial literacy coaching as well as a job club. Also, advocates coach them through their time and help them budget their money and start to make a move toward financial security.

For many victims, the abuse has left them in financial hardship and it has been years since they had been able to spend their own money.

"Here, they have a chance to sit back and think about what's next," said housing advocate Tracye Brown, who works part-time at the Glen Ellyn facility. "We want to empower women and make them feel that she deserves the best at what life has to offer."

The Glen Ellyn home can hold up to 10 people, including a family of five. There's also a room equipped for handicapped clients. Brown said she enjoys seeing the transformation victims experience while recovering at the intermediate home.

"For them, it's a bit scary but at the same time it's exciting because it's giving them a sense of a period of growth," she said.

That growth comes at different rates for different people.

For Jennifer, it's still a process. She recently took back a check she had written for a church collection plate after realizing it could be traced back to her and give her ex-husband a means of locating her. She thought about changing her name and she always thinks twice before giving out her information.

But her time at the intermediate housing has helped her reduce her debt and she said she owed any recovery she has made to Family Services.

She said those in her situation should do what they can to leave it and find help.

"I can only imagine how many people are out there and feel trapped and in the same situation," she said. "It's possible to move forward and find support in order to do so. It may not seem that way when you have someone telling you it isn't going to happen. But there is light at the end of the tunnel."

<p class="factboxheadblack">In her own words </p> <p class="News">Advice from "Jennifer," a domestic abuse victim who suggests how to avoid becoming a victim</p> <p class="News">• Listen to that gut feeling you have inside. Tune into those instincts. </p> <p class="News">• If he lies to everyone but you, it is possible that he will eventually lie to you, too. </p> <p class="News">• When you get brave enough to leave, do not tell your abuser about it. </p> <p class="News">• Always remember: Your thoughts are your own and even though your abuser may think he owns them and you, nobody can tell you how you actually feel or what you actually want no matter how hard they try. You have absolute power over your own thoughts and can share them with whomever you choose.</p> <p class="News">• Don't give up on yourself. </p> <p class="News">• Get a secret support system together and even though it is hard to admit that you are in an abusive situation, don't let it keep you from being safe.</p> <p class="News">• The only thing that will change your situation is getting out of it.</p> <p class="News">• In an abusive relationship something always has to give. It may be you giving in, giving up or giving your own energy to someone else's problem. Start giving back to yourself. </p> <p class="News">• There is no shame in needing to stay at a shelter in order to move forward. </p>