All goes dark? Find a spot on your Jupiter? Don't panic

The problem with writing a prescient End of the World column is that neither the columnist nor his audience will be around for the ultimate "We're so sorry we doubted you"/"I told you so" exchange. And if the columnist is wrong about an apocalyptic prediction, the resulting correction -- "The world did not come to a fiery end Wednesday. The Daily Herald regrets the error" -- is a case of misplaced remorse.

I like the intellectual exploration into dire predictions about the end of the world. But when I'm reading stories online about Wednesday's solar eclipse, I'm embarrassed to have the Web site inform me that "people who read this" also read a story headlined "Man Tasered After Sniffing Gas Bursts Into Flames." To spare you from delving into such a lowbrow topic, I can assure you the headline on the Taser story out of Australia pretty much tells the whole story. People who read that human torch story went on to read about various "giant mystery blobs" discovered floating off the coast of Alaska, beneath Nevada and near the dawn of time. But this column, or any of us really, doesn't have time to investigate every blob story.

Today, we are reporting on blots.

If you worried that Wednesday's solar eclipse might bring on the End Times before that 12/21/2012 date circled on your ancient Mayan calendar, you might not have had time to panic about a giant dark blot that showed up on Jupiter.

It was discovered by a 44-year-old computer programmer and amateur astronomer in Australia, proving that not all Aussies spend their free time sniffing gasoline, getting Tasered and bursting into flames. Taking a break from watching Tom Watson lose a golf tournament on the telly, Anthony Wesely told newspapers he saw Jupiter's new spot through his backyard 14.5-inch reflecting telescope and notified authorities. NASA confirmed it.

"Boy, I wish I had been out," says Mitch Gerdisch, current spokesman and former president of the Naperville Astronomical Association. The 45-year-old engineer, who has the same size telescope as the man who discovered Jupiter's blot, says he's happy the amateur got some recognition, but he's not worried that the pros didn't find it first.

"There is a lot of space," Gerdisch says.

Don't think that our professional space people aren't keeping an eye on all the asteroids and meteors hurtling in our general direction, assures Larry Ciupik, the most-veteran astronomer at Chicago's Adler Planetarium.

Earth gets hit with 1,000 tons of tiny space rocks and such every day, Ciupik says very calmly.

"Well, they are not tiny if they hit you, but they are tiny if they hit earth," Ciupik notes. Go to the Web site http://spaceweather.com and you can get the scoop on thousands of "Near-Earth Asteroids."

So a spot on Jupiter doesn't really have any more significance to you, the reader, than a pimple on Uranus.

"People look in that general direction all the time because Jupiter is a very popular object," Ciupik says of amateur astronomers. He says that while amateurs often have very sophisticated equipment, the theories sometimes fueled by amateurs aren't always as sophisticated.

"There is so much garbage out that takes in mythology and the End Times and the Mayan calendar, and a lot of people get confused," Ciupik says. "Astrology and astronomy get mixed up all the time."

When we chatted for a 2003 column, Ciupik debunked the Internet-fueled rumor that Planet X (also known as Nibiru) was about to plow through our Solar System, knock the rings off Saturn, devastate Earth and allow me to make another sophomoric joke about kissing Uranus goodbye. That rumor is back, by the way.

"It seems like every couple of years there is a new thing," says Ciupik, who seems very, very confident that humans will still be around to spread apocalyptic rumors after the current ones have expired.

The one positive from all this is that it does encourage people to think about the value of exploring space, says Ciupik. He notes that the Adler Planetarium's "Through the Looking Glass" telescope exhibit (www.adlerplanetarium.org) celebrates "Family Day" with telescope activities taking place from 11 a.m. until 3 p.m. Saturday.

Maybe you can be like that amateur astronomer in Australia and find a new blot on a planet. If you really want attention, maybe you can spot an explosion that turns into a story headlined, "Martian Tasered After Sniffing Gas Bursts Into Flames."