Fox Valley hospice volunteers support grieving men

For many men, Father's Day is a day to celebrate being a dad and to spend time with the family. But for men who have experienced the loss of a child, a father, a spouse, a mother, a sibling or another loved one, Father's Day can trigger a sense of sadness and reignite the struggle with grief.

In an effort to support men in their grief, Fox Valley Volunteer Hospice sponsors "MALES (Men After a Loss Expressing themselves Safely)," a drop-in group that meets at 9 a.m. on the second Saturday of each month at the hospice, 200 Whitfield Drive in Geneva.

The group is facilitated by trained volunteers Ken Schneider and Dave Efken, who understand that men grieve differently than women, and structure the group to address those differences. "Men are expected by society to be stoic and strong, and even though they don't show it, men are still grieving," Schneider said. Monthly topics include the shock of the loss, the grief cycle, taking care of yourself after the loss, 18 myths about grief, and coping with the holidays. In addition, Schneider says that each group session takes its own course, and depending on the experiences of the men in attendance, will touch on concerns such as: emotional needs, employment, financial, spiritual, social and family situations.

"We have many men in the group who have lost their spouse, and some of those have young children. Often these men have never been the primary caretaker before, and are dealing with the challenges of being a single parent or of being judged for their capacity to parent alone. Many want to know that what they are feeling is normal after a loss. Some have difficulty discussing these things with their extended family, and MALES gives them a forum for bringing these concerns out in the open and getting some guidance and possibly community referrals," Schneider said.

Schneider developed the MALES program after experiencing a loss of his own several years ago. "There's no other support group just for men in the area that I'm aware of," he said, "however, men rarely come to us on their own. They are often coaxed into coming for the first time by a friend, parent or other concerned party. But when they discover what a great resource MALES is, they wish they'd come sooner."

The group is structured informally, and drop-ins are welcome. MALES is offered free of charge by the hospice, and coffee and doughnuts are available at each meeting.

For information on Fox Valley Volunteer Hospice, visit www.fvvh.org. For information on MALES, call Carol Ann Richeson at (630) 232-2233, ext. 224, or email info@fvvh.org.