What's good for GM and the country would be fine for Cubs
"See the USA in your Chevrolet."
What was once a spunky advertising jingle that enticed folks to buy a Chevy and take a road trip is now a fact of life. You can literally see the USA in every Chevrolet, as we American taxpayers now own about 60 percent of that troubled carmaker.
When (if ever) you see a new Buick LaCrosse, GMC Yukon or Pontiac Vibe pull out of the dealership, you can take pride (grudgingly acknowledge) that your tax dollars are paying for a row of seats, three tires, a bumper, two doors, both headlights and the turn signals.
The government ownership plan makes supporting GM seem patriotic. I'm not sure what this means for all of us GM-owning taxpayers who drive competing cars, but I think we all should frown sternly at any Ford we spot with a decal of Calvin urinating on our car company. What was once just a crude articulation of a rivalry is now the expression of an anti-American sentiment just short of flag-burning.
In a recession when one of our nation's oldest and most iconic companies needs the government's help to compete, I can't help but wonder if we taxpayers can't take over another underperforming franchise to put in our portfolio alongside GM.
Can you imagine what a $30 billion stimulus jolt could do for the Chicago Cubs? That's enough money for 4,285 Milton Bradleys, and surely one or two of them could stay healthy and hit .250. That's enough money to sign hotheaded hurler Carlos Zambrano to a long-term, 1,875-year contract, giving him all the time he needs to mature.
The Chicago Tribune, the current Cubs owners, already filed for bankruptcy, and the new ownership hasn't been finalized, so the government could swoop in and make us part owners in time for the next home stand. We could keep Jim Hendry as the Cubs GM, or assign him a new gig as GM's GM. After all, GM and the Cubs have a lot in common.
William "Billy" Durant founded General Motors on Sept. 16, 1908, the same day the Chicago Cubs shut out Boston 5-0 on the way to a glorious World Series championship season. During the next 101 years, GM has enjoyed more success than the Cubs. Have you ever heard anyone refer to the Cubs as the Cadillac of baseball teams?
But both old franchises have inspired fierce loyalty and wonderful musical tributes. As much as I love to hear Steve Goodman's optimistic "Go, Cubs, Go," his more realistic "Dying Cubs' Fan's Last Request," and the wacky "Hey, Hey, Holy Mackerel" of my youth, GM wins the battle of the bands.
When Garth Brooks performed Don McLean's immortal "American Pie" song at President Obama's inauguration, the crowd joined along for "drove my Chevy to the levee" even though that song is older than anybody on the Cubs roster. Other immortal songs about GM products include Bruce Springsteen's "Pink Cadillac," Prince's "Little Red Corvette," The Beach Boys' "409," that "Chevy Van" in which a couple made love for singer Sammy Johns, the Camaro employed by The Dead Milkmen, Neil Young's "Coupe De Ville," Foghat's promise to "buy you a Chevrolet," and the argument about whether ZZ Top or The Black Crowes have the better "Chevrolet" song.
If a government-run General Motors can sell its oversized Hummer division to a company in China, surely the Feds could unload the Cubs' bloated bullpen on Tengzhong.
If the government were to step in with our tax dollars, we could be part-owners of the Cubs in addition to our role as part-owners of GM.
If that happens, I'm ready with a plan for some company-to-company synergy. When Chicago hosts the Cubs' 2009 World Series Championship Parade, Cubs players should all ride in Pontiac Solstice convertibles.