Extending that Mother's Day love to Mom's mom and more

Relishing my sister-in-law's annual extended families' Mother's Day brunch in Elgin, all the cousins understand how lucky they are to have their mothers' mothers (Gammy Dot, Grandma Jean and Grandma Lois) as part of the celebration.

These kids love their grandmothers, and are building a treasure trove of memories they'll keep forever. In many cases, suburban kids do more than spend quality time with Oma, YaYa, Bubbe, Nonna, Abuela, Nana, Baka or Grams.

According to 2000 U.S. Census reports, 37,565 children in suburban Cook County and another 30,225 children in the surrounding counties were living with their grandparents. And that was back when the economy was booming.

Recession, unemployment and rising medical costs are "increasing the rates big time," says Donna Copeland Hill, a community planner for the Northeastern Illinois Area Agency on Aging (ageguide.org), who coordinates support programs for family caregivers. "It crosses all income levels and all races. There are many, many kinds of things that will bring about these situations."

When parents have health problems, substance abuse issues or child-care needs, grandparents (primarily grandmothers) often step in to care for another generation of kids. Sometimes economics force adult children with kids to move back in with their parents. Sometimes health worries or economics force an aging parent to move in with the family of an adult child. A 2005 U.S. Census report showed that grandparents regularly took care of nearly 4 million children younger than 5. An AARP study says the number of multigenerational households jumped from 5 million in 2000 to more than 6.2 million last year.

Whether by choice or necessity, some unexpected blessings can come from that relationship.

"Care-giving is a huge family value in our society," Copeland Hill says. "People do get tremendous rewards out of helping. There are many, many valuable things grandparents, and aunts and uncles, can bring."

My Grandma Schembs lived in the house my dad built at the other end of the big yard on our family farm. After Grandpa died, she was scared to be alone at night. Having read Truman Capote's "In Cold Blood," I shared her fear.

So every night, she'd walk the 120 yards or so down the middle of the lawn separating our houses. At 16, I remember hoping the weather would be bad so I could show off my newfound driving skills for the 30 seconds it took for that trip to Grandma's and back.

Grams made our childhood richer.

She told us about growing up without cars, electricity or indoor plumbing. She'd tell us the same story again and again about a band of transients in horse-drawn wagons who camped outside her house and begged for a piece of pie for a hungry baby.

She expanded our conversational skills by dishing out an "old Schembs saying."

"I'll give you the first nickel I see rolling up a hill, if you'd bring me that afghan," she'd say. Or she would brand a lazy summer day with, "This won't buy the baby a shirt."

Her fried chicken was sticky and wonderful. She made mincemeat pie with actual meat. Her chicken-and-noodles were chewy and succulent.

She said that women never should have been given the right to vote, but she voted in every election. She'd gasp at Goldie Hawn's bikini or some interracial kiss on "Laugh-In," but she wouldn't change the channel.

She even made us understand a bit more about what old age brings so we kids weren't freaked out if somebody fainted or fell, or needed help going up stairs. The hand grip Dad fastened to our back door for Grandma Schembs now helps Mom scale those stairs.

It can be a win-win.

"Many caregivers feel a sense of pride and contentment," Copeland Hill says. "They've made a difference."

In one case, the demands of raising children in addition to demanding careers convinced busy parents to invite Grandma to move in full-time. Marian Robinson, the mother of first lady Michelle Obama, has a bedroom on the third floor of the White House and still shuttles granddaughters Malia and Sasha to school and play dates.

That helps Americans appreciate the value of multigenerational families.

"After all," Copeland Hill says, "Grandma happens to be living in the White House now."