Big thoughts grow in little minds

My then 7-year-old daughter and I were finishing up one of those parent-to-child conversations having to do with why faking a stomach ache to get out of soccer practice on an unpleasant cold and windy night was neither honest nor responsible. The fact that we were in the car already at the field and practice had just started probably lent a note of irritation to my voice, but overall I thought I'd communicated fairly well.

My previously lethargic daughter suddenly straightened in her seat, flung open her door, leaped to the ground and, slapping herself on the forehead, shouted to no one in particular: "What was I thinking!"

I have no idea.

Maybe she noticed that, despite the weather, her teammates were actually having fun as they kicked the soccer ball up and down the field. Maybe she sensed that there might be a penalty to pay - even an early bed time - if she persisted in her claims of digestive distress. Or maybe she had actually listened to my mini values education lecture and recognized the error in her ways (I can always hope, can't I?). The fact is, I will probably never really know what she was thinking.

Then there was the week after we went to see the latest installment in the Star Wars saga. I'll bet we spent at least 10 hours discussing how such a good little boy could grow up to be such a bad man and one particular character's admonition that "fear leads to anger; anger leads to hate, and hate leads to the dark side." I got to the point where I dreaded even the mention of Star Wars, but my daughter was not to be deterred in her quest for philosophical insight. Finally, weaken by her onslaught, I retreated into the rather lame hope that "maybe they'll tell us in the next episode."

Yet I couldn't help but wondering what was really going on underneath those blonde curls. Was she just trying to make sense of a rather complicated story line? Was she pondering her own future, anxious about some choice between good and evil she might have to make? Or is she a budding film critic already taking George Lucas to task for inconsistent character development?

Since then, we've had in-depth conversations (which at times border on inquisitions) about the nature of the solar system, the differences between hurricanes and tornadoes, the life cycle of swans, gender conflict in middle school, the operating principles of internal combustion engines, and comparative religions. And, I confess, I still often don't know why.

Of course I've studied all sorts of child development books and talked to plenty of other parents. And I know that all this is fairly normal, even though my daughter does bring her own particular dramatic flair and sometimes stubbornness to her quest for knowledge.

There are times, though, that I'd like to be able to look behind those bright brown eyes of hers and see exactly what it is she is searching for, and also figure out what word or phrase from me might ease her journey (and, to be honest, ease mine as well).

Since that won't happen, and since I am hopefully destined to be part of my daughter's search for meaning for many decades to come, I will need to remind myself every now and then that there are big thoughts growing in that little mind. And, who knows, someday, perhaps soon, she will probably be explaining to me the struggle between good and evil and the mysteries of the universe.

• The Rev. Kenn Potts is a pastoral counselor and marriage and family therapist with Samaritan Interfaith Counseling Centers, Naperville and Downers Grove. His book, "Take One A Day," can be ordered at local bookstores or online.