If nothing else, government has stimulated promotion

There is a reason economists call their livelihood "economic theory" and not "economic fact."

Brilliant people can and do disagree about the value of government spending and tax cuts in devising the best way to stimulate our economy. People who thought it was unpatriotic to question the value of throwing a trillion dollars into Iraq to search for weapons of mass destruction that we never found now suggest that borrowing money to pay for schools, roads and electricity here at home is un-American.

Some conservatives vilify President Obama's stimulus plan as big-government socialism, while some liberals blast the plan for timidly not spending nearly enough.

And some make suggestions like this one from reader Michael Lawson of Schaumburg: "I just got an idea that could help our economy. It's a serious thought, so if you agree it's got merit, perhaps you could forward it on since I don't know anyone in high places. I think if the government is worried that people would save a stimulus check instead of spend it, they should issue everyone a debit card good for 30 days (with their name on it so they couldn't sell it to someone else) that could only be used to buy certain things. No booze, cigarettes, etc. So simple, eh? Any thoughts?"

Well, Mr. Lawson, speaking as someone who once got the very highest C in my college economics class, I think the macroeconomic thought would be that most people would use their debit cards to buy guns, and then use those guns to rob those of us who spent our debit cards buying butter. But I will try to forward your suggestion on to the student, a friend of mine, who got the highest B in that econ class and therefore probably knows people in higher places than I do.

No one can say for certain what will happen after the president signs that $787 billion stimulus package into law today, or even how long it will be before we know whether it worked.

But I do hope this stimulus package has one immediate effect - putting an end to the popularity of the phrase "stimulus package."

Search for "stimulus package" on Google, and you'll get 44 million hits, replacing "Joe the plumber" as the most ubiquitous phrase on the Internet. Heck, do a search for "Joe the plumber" and "stimulus package," and 174,000 Web sites give you both.

You couldn't get through Valentine's Day without somebody making an off-color joke about their stimulus package. Others just try to make a buck by jumping on the stimulus package bandwagon.

Wednesday is "Wingsday" at Hooters, which sent out a news release announcing its stimulus package of $5.99 boneless wings platters.

Our food editor, Deborah Pankey, has been buried by stimulus package pitches from purveyors of provisions. A quick search of her e-mail turns up a steady stream of stimuli.

Denny's got the stimulus rolling by serving up one day of 2 million free Grand Slam breakfasts. The International House of Pancakes offers an endless stack of pancakes as part of its stimulus package.

The Fairmont Chicago hotel. "in light of the global economic climate," introduced a "Fiscally-Responsible Meeting Stimulus Plan" for "budget-conscious meeting planners" that includes "incentives" such as "complimentary guest rooms," "Internet access" and "coffee breaks."

Coffee is my personal stimulus package of choice, but other beverages also offer stimulus packages.

Effen vodka's "Effen Stimulus" consists of Effen Black Cherry Vodka, cola, grenadine, ice and a cherry garnish.

The Web site stimuluspackage.com features advertisements for tax refunds, packaging supplies, cheap airfares, cell phones and vacation packages.

Maybe all these "stimulus package" proposals are making money for the people who thought them up. I don't think my bank account would need a stimulus package if I'd only had the foresight to trademark the phrase "stimulus package" back during the Bush Administration.