Elvis guv goes from 'All Shook Up' to 'Jailhouse Rock'
This 2005 description of Rod Blagojevich still makes me laugh:
"Sleek is the mot juste to describe Blagojevich - elegant dark suit, glistening white shirt, subdued tie and a shock of jet-black hair that Elvis would have envied," wrote conservative columnist George Will, as he swooned about our governor back when Will, Blagojevich and maybe even Elvis apparently thought Blagojevich had the potential to be the next Bill Clinton and go from a governorship to the White House.
The Big House seems more likely these days, as our governor has gone from cuff links to handcuffs. Although the delusional Blagojevich might still possess enough of what he calls "testicular virility" to see himself rising from the political ashes in time for a presidential run in 2016.
The Audacity of a Dope.
The arrogance and stupidity of our Democratic governor is without precedent. Prosecutors say they have an audiotape of Blagojevich calling President-elect Barack Obama the queen mother of swear words while vowing that he is not going to "give away" Obama's "valuable" vacant seat in the U.S. Senate for mere "appreciation."
When it comes to arrogance and stupidity, Blagojevich makes George W. Bush look like a humble Einstein. Blagojevich's "testicular virility" doesn't mesh well with his intellectual sterility.
U.S. Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald called Blagojevich's arrest a "sad day" for Illinois. But I detected no tears among we the people - only near-universal cheers, some laughing and a swear word or two.
Polls did say that Blagojevich had an approval rating of 13 percent, but I never could find that silent minority, and I know a lot of Democrats. Trust me, Blagojevich wasn't that popular.
After all, Blagojevich is a loyal Cubs fan who draws boos from other loyal Cubs fans whenever he throws out the first pitch at Wrigley Field. That's an amazing show of dislike in a place so forgiving that fans there even cheer Jim Belushi. Ronnie Woo-Woo has a higher approval rating than our governor.
After a game in 2007, Blagojevich was scanning the crowd, looking for some member of that 13 percent who could tolerate him. He was like a hungry lion checking out antelope, on the prowl for the young, the old, the frail.
He saw my mom. Eighty years old and in need of heart surgery, she didn't have the speed to escape. I was blocks away bringing the car around. So Blago separated Mom from the herd and posed for this photo, which my wife shot and I promised to print after the governor was arrested some day. Merry Christmas, Mom.
After the Cubs first playoff game this year, Blagojevich zeroed in on my son, Ben, a seventh-grader, while I was inside working on my story. He shook Ben's hand, told him to work hard in school and was out of earshot by the time my wife delivered the whole truth to our son.
If Ben or my mom hadn't spent all their money on hot dogs, maybe they'd have a Senate seat or cushy state job by now.
Meanwhile, our Elvis guv still could have a look that the real Elvis would envy. Federal prosecutors plan to keep Blagojevich supplied with jumpsuits.