Mystery authors offer creative ways to 'leave your lover dead'
If you are running out of ideas on how to commit foul-play in your great American novel, these women can help.
They call themselves the 'Mystery Mavens.' Authors Luisa Buehler of Lisle, Mary Welk of Chicago and Sandy Tooley of Highland, IN., make the rounds at area libraries giving workshops and sharing writing tips to budding authors.
Just in time for Halloween, the ladies presented "50 Ways to Leave Your Lover... Dead," at the Vernon Area Public Library in Lincolnshire on Thursday.
The Mavens shared ideas from their own novels, and others they've picked up from movies and other books. Some are clever methods, others devious and some creepy.
The women know it's a little risky to be sharing death-dealing plots, but quickly put it into perspective.
"Here is our disclaimer," Beuhler said. "We are only talking about killing off nasty characters in books, got it? Remember, good triumphs over evil and justice prevails."
They recommend avoiding the big three clichés... shot with a gun, choked with a rope and stabbed with a knife. There are far more creative and diabolic ways to snuff someone out in print.
Have you considered a scene that includes dropping poison centipedes in the victim's bed? Tolley said it actually happened in India. She clipped the story out of the newspaper and said it might show up in a future novel.
If you want your victim to experience the ultimate caffeine jolt, you can rig the electric coffeemaker to electrocute him before he takes his first sip.
Looking for something more gentile and sophisticated? Consider an old-fashioned hat pin driven through the heart. The Mavens suggest grasping three at a time for the plunge. A single pin might bend instead of penetrate.
If you're really worried about the detective discovering the murder weapon, you might want your character to stab the victim with a sharpened iceicle. Think about it. What happens to the murder weapon after the deed is done?
If your intended person is an avid reader, you can coat the pages of her book with poison. She should have thought twice about licking her fingers to turn the pages.
Holidays can bring out the best and worst in people. And they might offer a most unsuspecting time to do away with the bad guy in your book. Welk offered a novel idea. The exploding Christmas tree. All you have to do is hollow out the trunk, pack it with explosives and rig the lights just right. When evil uncle Ted plugs in the string of lights... Ka-boom! Works every time.