Mystery of missing teen provides no answers, only hope

As Monday turned into Tuesday, a missing Buffalo Grove teenager slipped further into mystery.

In the best of worlds, a smiling Lee Cutler would have reappeared Monday - exactly one year after he vanished - telling thrilled loved ones and friends the amazing story of his lost year.

Instead, his closest friends hooked up by telephone Monday night, bringing people together to share their thoughts on the young man, whose status hasn't changed since his odd disappearance.

A bright kid with an eclectic group of friends, Cutler was reported missing Saturday, Oct. 20, 2007, after he failed to show up for his part-time job at a mall. A police officer discovered his car at 3:30 a.m. Monday near a river outside Baraboo, Wis. A rescue team searching the nearby fields by air and on foot with dogs and heat-sensing detectors couldn't find him. Neither could divers searching for his body in the river.

They found Cutler's favorite yarmulke on the muddy bank, not too far from his backpack and a blanket. They fished his pants, with his wallet and car keys, from the river. They found letters to and from loved ones, an empty bottle of Advil PM, and a note telling his mother to be happy.

There is no proof that Cutler committed suicide, or was the victim or foul play or a freak accident - any more than there is evidence to support the idea that Cutler is alive and could come home any second.

Most of the newest notes on the "Let's Find Lee!" Facebook page set up by his friends are written directly to Cutler, telling him how much he is loved and missed, and asking him to come home.

"Right now, he's out there on this anniversary, too," says Dan de Garzia, a family friend who has helped coordinate the efforts of Cutler's relatives and friends.

"In many ways, this is way more painful than anybody expected," de Garzia says.

He notes that the group, which is accustomed to instant messaging and quick answers to problems, has come to realize the stated mission to "find Lee" has failed because he hasn't been found.

But the group has made discoveries.

"For his core group of friends, it's an ongoing event. In many ways, it really is making them stronger people," de Garzia says. "I'm really impressed with these young men and women, many of them now off to college - their capacity to go on, to go out in the world and carry what is a real burden. It's a part of each one."

The Facebook group has attracted 3,000 people.

"At some level, it is a way to honor a relationship - and I don't mean a memory, I mean a relationship," de Garzia says. "The relationships his friends have with him are something they want to honor forever."

When a high school student dies or is killed, classmates can mourn. This is different.

"When you don't know, you don't know what you don't know," says Marsha Gilmer-Tullis, director of the family advocacy division for the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children - www.missingkids.com.

"Each family, the way they cope, the different type of support systems they have around them, will determine how they cope," says Gilmer-Tullis. "For the most part, they don't give up hope. They learn how to put one foot in front of the other."

Helping people take those steps is a group of volunteers called Team Hope - www.teamhope.org or toll free 866 305-HOPE (4673).

"People feel the way they need to feel," explains Abby Potash, program manager for Team Hope. "There's never one way to feel about anything when you are dealing with emotion. We have people who volunteer with us whose children have been missing for 30-plus years, and they still hang on to hope."

Unless you've been unfortunate enough to be in that situation, it's difficult to imagine.

"There's never any closure, but you can move forward, which means you still hold onto hope, but you incorporate other things in your life. You live your life," Potash says.

Friends of Lee Cutler are forced to move on without answers.

"It is still very much an unfinished story," de Garzia says, noting the group has done everything in its power to find their missing friend. "Hope may be a poor technology, but it's the one we're employing now."