Even when it's over, those curses enjoy a bull market

I have soooo moved on.

But it still hurts a little. I see our home calendar where I have scribbled (in pen, no less) a note for this busy Saturday - "Game 7 at Wrigley?" When I jotted that down last month I threw in the question mark only because I certainly expected that the Cubs would have clinched the National League pennant by Game 4, or 5, of maybe Game 6. I wanted the Cubs to clinch early because I was scared the White Sox might eliminate Boston in tonight's game, and I wanted the Cubs to have time to adjust their pitching rotation for the Crosstown World Series.

Like a rose has its thorns, my October calendar sports painful barbs about the 16 potential Cubs' postseason games that never came to be. If I'd gotten around to inputting the postseason baseball schedule into my e-mail calendar, at least I'd get some closure from sadly clicking the "dismiss" button every time a reminder popped up on my screen.

When I do my online banking even the phrase 401(k) reminds me of the Cubs. I think Alfonso Soriano struck out 401 times in the playoffs.

But, as I said before, I'm really over it. A guy who gets dumped by his sweetie doesn't swear off women. I still watch postseason baseball no matter how badly this year's Cubs broke my heart. Still, the reminders tug at my emotions.

I grimace when I see highlights of Dodger slugger Manny Ramirez crushing a pair of home runs off the Cubs. While Ramirez is burned into that part of my brain that holds all Cubs angst (there's still some room despite my extensive Steve Garvey and Will Clark collections), I wasn't ready to see those images again. It's like going to a friend's Facebook page and accidentally stumbling across a photo of your ex from the night she dumped you. You think you have gotten over it, and then something unexpected brings it back into focus.

Even last night's presidential debate could be seen through my Cubs eyes as a showdown between a fan of the longtime nemesis White Sox and a fan of the upstart Arizona Diamondbacks that swept the Cubs from the 2007 playoffs.

When 40-year-old pinch hitter Matt Stairs walloped his game-winning homer for the Philadelphia Phillies the other night, I couldn't help but picture him in a Cubs uniform. Not many fans remember Stairs' stint with the 2001 Cubs, but the then-first baseman finished second on the team in homers that year. (He had 17, just 47 behind leader Sammy Sosa's 64.)

When I see 45-year-old lefty Jamie Moyer losing games for the Phillies, I can't help but remember him as a promising, rookie Cubs pitcher for the 1986 Cubs taking a no-hitter into the ninth inning against the Phillies.

But, as I've told you, I'm over that.

Is that ex-Cub Scott Eyre giving up no runs in his relief role for the Phillies? You know, he was 2-0 for the Cubs until they traded him in August for Maine South High School pitcher Brian Schlitter. Maybe Brian "No-Hitter" Schlitter will pitch in a National League championship series someday. I wonder who we will get in that trade.

Of course, ex-Cubs aren't supposed to win the World Series. According to the "Ex-Cub Factor," first theorized by writer/fan Ron Berler in 1981 and popularized by Chicago Tribune columnist Mike Royko, any team with three or more former Cubs players on the roster has a "critical mass of Cubness," dooming them from winning a World Series.

In 1990, ex-White Sox manager Tony LaRussa's mighty Oakland A's were favored to win the championship over future Cubs manager Lou Piniella's upstart Cincinnati Reds. The A's had three ex-Cubs on their roster and were swept, marking the 13th time (out of 14) since World War II that a team with three or more ex-Cubs lost the World Series.

In 2001, Luis Gonzalez (one of four ex-Cubs on the Arizona Diamonds) drove in the winning run to beat the New York Yankees and foil the ex-Cubs curse.

This year, the only teams with an ex-Cubs factor are the Dodgers, who swept the Cubs, and the Phillies, who already might have won the pennant by the time you read this. If they go on to lose the World Series, so be it. I'm more concerned with the current-Cubs curse, which has nothing to do with goats or fans. I call it the Dow Jones Curse.

The Cubs last won a pennant in 1945 when the Dow Jones average, which had hit a high of 386.1, dropped to 186.50. The Cubs haven't been back to a World Series since the Dow topped the 200 level. In the last year, the Dow has fallen from 14,164.53 to 8,577.91.

So take heart, Cubs fans. A few more days like Wednesday's 733-point drop and the Cubs should be a lock for the 2009 World Series.