Yawn ... a 'new' Bears era dawns

Tuesday morning's Bears practice should have been a can't-miss event.

It should have been something you could tell the world's grandchildren's grandchildren about generations from now.

"Yes," you could say to Junior and Sis, "I was there on the first day of the rest of your favorite football team's life."

"Really, you were really there?" they might say. "Who took over as Bears quarterback that day? Tom Brady? Brett Favre? Peyton Manning?"

"Not ex- actly."

"Who then? Who was it? Who? Who? Tell me who?"

"Kyle Orton."

"Kyle Who?"

OK, so the start of the latest Kyle Orton Era wasn't exactly like watching Secretariat in a morning workout.

Nor did it have the historic feel of Gerald Ford replacing Richard Nixon, the promising feel of Ringo Starr replacing Pete Best, or the enduring feel of Lou Gehrig replacing Wally Pipp.

This was more like, oh, Bob Avellini replacing Gary Huff at quarterback in the 1970s.

Tuesday's weather was nice enough. The temperature was in the 80s, even if this isn't an '80s Bears team. The sun was shining down on the field, though not necessarily down on the players.

Kyle Orton winning the quarterback job from Rex Grossman didn't quite change the season. It was more like upgrading from a Schwinn to a Kia for the Indianapolis 500.

Hardly ever does a Bears quarterback change mean much. Going from Frick to Frack rarely inspires confidence that this is the dawning of the Age of Aquarius.

Passing the torch from Grossman back to Orton - a rare Bears completion, by the way - reminds only of how pathetic the quarterback tradition is around here.

Bears ownership and management should be thrilled the Cubs have gone a century without a World Series. That diverts attention from the Bears not having a premier NFL quarterback since Sid Luckman in the 1940s.

Both Chicago sports slumps are inexplicable.

I mean, how does a team like the Cubs go 100 years without winning a championship? How does a team like the Bears go 60 without a great quarterback?

You almost have to get lucky sometime over six decades. You have to win a coin flip for the draft's overall first pick when Terry Bradshaw is available. You have to take Joe Montana instead of letting the 49ers have him. You have to draft Tom Brady instead of letting the Patriots have him.

Something good has to happen almost by mistake, doesn't it? Apparently not.

I looked out at the Bears' can't-miss practice and saw Orton take snaps and Grossman mostly stand around watching.

Orton looks the part of a starting quarterback. He has adequate size. His white wristbands fit fashionably. The white towel dangles neatly over his belt.

All Bears quarterbacks looked that way over the years. They all looked like they could play.

Then it's game time and they have to crouch under center and take a snap and drop back and make a read and hit a receiver -

Then they mostly look like Carter and Douglass, Huff and Avellini, Grossman and Orton, Flawed and Failed, Misfire and Misfit, Worse and Worst.

Just once in my lifetime I'd like it to turn out that a won't-miss Bears quarterback shows up at a can't-miss Bears practice.

mimrem@dailyherald.com