Local hospices there to help

Every day before I begin writing, I consider the words of 19th century American wit Josh Billings: "Don't take life too seriously; you'll never get out alive."

I keep that advice stuck to my computer monitor with other words of wisdom to help keep me grounded with good nature, reminding me to smile through the tough times.

Billings' words are right up there with a quote credited to Greek fable-writer Aesop: "Never trust the advice of a man in difficulties."

Who doesn't face difficulties? So who do you trust?

Early last spring, Chet Rybicki, age 92, who calls every Tuesday with the joke of the week, asked what I knew about hospice.

When I tried to answer, I discovered I knew very little.

The former Naperville mayor said Donna Lindell could enlighten us.

Lindell's husband, Jerry, who had been a member of American Legion Post 43 with Rybicki, had headed the Technical Arts Department at Naperville Central High School. He lost his battle with brain cancer at the age of 66 about eight years ago.

Rybicki asked if I'd take him to meet with Donna and some folks from Adventist St. Thomas Hospice to become educated.

For months, we had difficulty finding a mutually agreeable time to meet. And to be truthful, the topic wasn't high on my list of interests.

But by the time spring eased into summer, three good friends had turned to hospice in the weeks before the death of a loved one under their care.

And when I asked other friends whose parent had died in recent years, each one recounted the moment hospice entered their life as a unique positive experience.

To a person, they were upbeat about recommending hospice. Yet the essence of their thoughts was, "I wish I'd known the extent of what hospice offers sooner; I wish I'd called hospice sooner."

Hospice - not to be confused with elderhostels as one individual noted; nor simply for cancer patients - is a choice for anyone with a willing and capable caregiver. The practice is a concept of compassionate care for patients with limited life expectancy, verified by a physician when a choice has been made to no longer seek curative treatment.

When we met, I learned that hospice also helps with the family's process of grief and bereavement, recognizing that dying is a natural part of life.

Ideally, when a patient and the family come to grips with the probability that a cure is no longer a viable option, a hospice team would be contacted - the sooner, the better.

Hospice can help the patient and family handle the vast range of physical, emotional, social and spiritual needs, providing a menu of services to fit even a six-month timeline.

According to Executive Director Pamela Mezyk of Adventist St. Thomas Hospice, some patients fear that if they say "yes" to hospice, it means they're going to die.

That's not necessarily true.

In fact, Mezyk said sometimes a patient's condition improves so much during hospice care, they can put it on hold.

But mostly, the goal is to keep the patient comfortable in his/her own surroundings, regaining a sense of control and competence. Hospice focuses on promoting dignity, autonomy, a right to privacy and enhancing the quality of the life to the end.

More than 4,500 different hospice groups in the United States can assist in the home, the hospital, a nursing home or even at homes specifically for hospice patients. Most are certified to provide care under Medicare, and, in most states, Medicaid.

I keep flipping through notes from our two-hour meeting, wishing I could communicate all the poetic ways Donna Lindell described how hospice helped her "Viking set sail on his final journey to the other side of life." In fact, her experience led her to become a hospice volunteer.

For enlightenment, simply search "hospice" online to find The Hospice Foundation of America which leads to local hospice groups such as St. Thomas Hospice.

If your club or organization needs a speaker, Community Liaison Lynette Cremerius of St. Thomas Hospice can arrange a customized presentation for your group. Call her at (630) 856-6982.

The gift of hospice

"I encourage everyone to find out about hospice," said Allison DeBoer of Aurora, whose mother refused hospice for months before her death. "It's one thing you should do for yourself and your loved one because it offers a specialized knowledge of medical care, including pain management. I wish we'd called hospice first."

DeBoer added that hospice brought her together with her three siblings to celebrate her mother's life.

"We laughed, remembered, cried, appreciated- and found joy as my mother was at peace with death.

"It's the greatest gift you'll ever give your loved one."

• Stephanie Penick writes about Naperville. Contact her at spenneydh@aol.com.