Here's one way for Bears to reload fast
The Bears are either rebuilding or they're about to put up a sign that reads, "Forty percent off all merchandise. Everything MUST go.''
Since they're still answering the phones, we assume they'll re-open for business next weekend during the draft.
But before they do, they can speed their reconstruction threefold by auctioning off a valuable commodity: Brian Urlacher.
We figure any team willing to trade for him will give him the new contract he desires, so it'll work out nicely for Urlacher, and the Bears won't have worry about a pain in the neck with a pain in his back.
But the best part is they may be able to Herschel Walker someone in the process, if Urlacher can pass a physical.
In Dallas it's known simply as "The Trade.'' The Cowboys, in 1989, sent Walker to Minnesota for a package that, in its original form, was five players and six draft picks, including two firsts, a second and a third.
That led Dallas to a run of three Super Bowl titles in four years, only three full seasons after making the deal that allowed them a complete restocking of the roster, which is something the Bears desperately need to do.
Urlacher's been a great player here for a long time, but he's starting to feel his age and even great players have to hit the downside of their careers at some point.
Besides, he's upset about his $56 million deal, and that has the potential to be an irritant in 2008.
So if you're ever going to think of shopping him, what better time than now?
No, they can't ...
… unload Cedric Benson, so please don't bother asking again.
Shouldering the load
Ted Lilly is a better pitcher than 0-3 with a 9.16 ERA, so what has to worry the Cubs -- even though Lilly says he's fine -- is that the left-hander missed significant time with shoulder injuries in five of eight seasons from 1997-2005, including labrum surgery in '99.
The last time Lilly started 0-3 was 2002, when he missed seven weeks from late July to early September with an inflamed left shoulder.
Ivan Boldirev-ing
If it seems to you as though the Blackhawks just won the Stanley Cup, based on the way they've celebrated their most recent campaign, honesty compels us to inform you -- as Harry Caray used to say -- that the Hawks did not actually win the Stanley Cup this year.
In fact, they didn't make the playoffs, or even a playoff run. No, all the best things that happened this year occurred off the ice, with home games back on TV, Pat Foley soon to return, and legends from the past welcomed back with evil influences sent packing.
On the ice, the Hawks are loaded with kids, which is fairly standard stuff when you've been very bad for very long.
The coach and GM have shown as much competence as incompetence while learning on the job, which isn't their fault, as no one insisted they get experience and earn their positions.
Fortunately for them, they've not been held accountable by fans or management, or held to any standard they'd face in a genuine hockey city that hasn't been dormant for 20 years, but that free pass may not extend forever.
As for the kids, they have a gem in Jonathan Toews, but even he won't be able to influence some of the youngsters whose egos are already out of control, unless veteran character gets a serious upgrade.
Despite their insistence that no other team in the NHL has as many good, young players, the West is loaded with such teams, and if the Hawks don't handle the heavy lifting this summer, the Kool-Aid concessions might drop a hair next year.
In the meantime, we apologize, sincerely, for this dose of red-and-black reality.
The good guys
The Kane County Cougars, located in Geneva and only 24 miles from DeKalb, will pay tribute to the victims of Feb. 14th at NIU by wearing a commemorative patch on their uniforms this season.
The Cougars also plan on raising funds at various times this season and donating to a memorial scholarship fund in honor of those slain on Valentine's Day.
Several Cougars front office staff members and past Cougars players have ties to the university, and they'll lend Elfstrom Stadium to NIU for a game against UIC on Tuesday at 6:15 p.m.
Wag the Tiger
It's no fault of Tiger Woods that the focus of every tournament is on the greatest player of all time, but he turned the tables on the media and showed an incredibly unselfish side by failing to reveal his bad knee at the Masters.
He didn't mention his upcoming surgery Sunday night because he didn't want it to sound like an excuse, and also because it would have become the story and upstaged Trevor Immelman during his hour of glory.
The list
NBA teams with the best records not making the playoffs since the start of the 16-team format in 1984: 2007-08 Warriors (48-34), 2000-01 Rockets (45-37), 2004-05 Timberwolves (44-38), and 2000-01 Sonics (44-38).
Best idea
E-mailer Arlington Heights Ron, on Alfonso Soriano wanting to stay in the leadoff spot: "I have a suggestion as to where Lou Piniella can put him. How about on the bench sitting next to Lou until he gets the message who the manager is.''
The quote
Sharks forward Jeremy Roenick: "I never believe any of the stats. One minute, the stat guy is eating his hot dog, and the next he's writing stuff down.''
Best headline
Sportspickle.com: "Three stars of the game race home to tell their moms.''
And finally ...
Comedian Alex Kaseberg, on the construction worker who buried a Red Sox jersey in the new Yankee Stadium: "If you really want to curse the Yankees, you have to bury a Derek Jeter jersey -- with Derek Jeter in it.''