A little help makes it easier to move, let go

What's a person to do with all that stuff accumulated after living in the same home for 20, 30 or 40 years? And what about all those memories?

When Margaret Smith retired after 37 years as a kindergarten teacher in River Trails School District 26 in Mount Prospect and moved into a retirement complex, she discovered that she didn't have to part with everything -- especially a few of the 300 teddy bears she had acquired over the years.

She learned she could document and share all those memories while cleaning out her downtown Arlington Heights condo, thanks to Christine Segin, a senior relocation specialist.

"By the time people have been in their homes many years -- one man lived 88 years in his home -- they've experienced quite a bit of loss, so people tend to hold on to their items," said Segin, owner of Moving Companion in Hoffman Estates. "Moving is stressful, but it can be manageable if you have some help."

Certainly sorting through years of your possessions, deciding what to keep and what to give away or discard, can be daunting. Indeed, the term "relocation stress syndrome" was recognized as an official diagnosis in 1992.

A study by researcher Susan K. Lutgendorf of the Department of Psychology at the University of Iowa, published in the Annals of Behavioral Medicine, showed that people who are moving report more illnesses. But folks who prepare in advance for a move and who have a sense of control in the relocation process feel less stressed or overwhelmed and have a better sense of well-being.

But what to do with those 300 teddy bears; an angel collection, including some passed down to Smith by her mother, and a beautifully crafted crazy quilt made by Smith's grandmother -- all beloved items packed with generations of memories? Whatever you do, you do it slowly and lovingly, said Segin.

"Margaret was smart. She knew her move wasn't going to be easy, so she prepared for it over a one-year period," Segin said. "She was attached to everything, so she wisely let go gradually, and I think had fun with the process."

Segin came in for several hours a day during this period to help Smith sort through her belongings. An old trunk filled with Smith's baby clothes and childhood toys took several days to go through and a walk-in closet brought another challenge, eventually providing piles of donations to charities.

Smith even recruited her eBay-savvy minister in the process. Sifting through old silver and china, the two sold enough items to reap a handsome donation to Smith's church.

"Christine and I would work in an area until it was finished. Somehow it wasn't threatening because I knew I had time," Smith said. "The thing is, somebody else was there helping me do this. Christine would listen while I would recall its story, and then I would either say, 'it's time to let go or I'll keep this'. She gave me the chance to remember."

Senior relocation specialists, also referred to as senior move managers, provide a fairly new service emerging to accommodate older adults who want to downsize or remain in their homes with less clutter and greater safety and comfort. The service helps develop an overall move or age-in-place plan; helps organize, sort and downsize; arranges for items to be auctioned, donated or sold in estate sales; schedules and oversees movers; arranges for shipments or storage, and helps unpack and set up the new home. The hourly fee for such services range nationally from $45 to $75. Midwest fees may range from $50 to $60.

"We move people rather than boxes. It isn't a moving company; it's an extra layer of comfort and trust. You have a partner in your move. But there is also another facet of this service -- helping clients age in place," said Mary Kay Buysee, executive director of Clarendon Hills-based National Association of Senior Move Managers.

Smith began cleaning out her collections two years before her retirement. Though never married, she says she had many, many children -- her students -- and even more memories of teaching kindergarten for 37 years.

Those 300 teddy bears were collected over the years and used as a teaching tool for counting, sorting and storytelling. She ended up giving many to teaching colleagues, friends and relatives.

Today 10 very special bears remain. Nine, including her childhood bear, are snuggled in a basket near Smith's desk; her mother's bear from the early 1900s sits securely in an antique toy rocker in the living room.

And the prized quilt, once stored in a trunk, now is displayed proudly in her niece's home in Maine. With Segin's help, Smith photographed the quilt, documented its history and mailed it off to her niece.

It's been almost one year since Smith moved into The Moorings of Arlington Heights. Today all her belongings fit neatly and comfortably into her two-bedroom apartment. Looking back on her yearlong moving adventure, she is grateful she did it gradually.

"Don't wait till you're under pressure to get rid of your things," Smith said. "I had the chance to say goodbye to them. I had the chance to pass along my really cherished things to people I loved and who I knew would cherish them, too."

To find a local senior relocation specialist, contact the National Association of Senior Move Managers in Clarendon Hills at (877) 606-2766 or www.nasmm.org, or the New Jersey-based National Organization of Professional Organizers at (856) 380-6828 or www.napo.net.