Some gigs don't mean a thing if they ain't got that swinger
The married New York governor who lost his job because he hired a prostitute for sex was replaced by a guy who had sex with "a number of women" who weren't his wife, which seems fair considering her admission that she also had sex with a guy who wasn't her husband, which leads us to those sordid claims of three-way bisexual trysts in New Jersey, which seem far kinkier than Chicago Client No. 10, who paid for sex, as opposed to the rumor of a sex tape involving one of the stars from the soon-to-be-released "Sex and the City" movie.
And I am one long sentence into a story that will set a Daily Herald columnist record for sex (in a non-sexual way) by using the word sex 19 times in a single column -- breaking the mark of 18 that the great Jack Mabley used in a 2002 column explaining how well sex sells in America.
Whew. I know the Statue of Liberty asks for the "huddled masses" with all their "yearning" and "teeming," but lately, America is behaving as if Liberty sports a Hefneresque placard warning, "If you don't swing, don't ring."
None of this explosion of sex news surprises Stuart Jacobson. A nice suburban Jewish kid, Jacobson graduated from college in the 1970s and grew up to be a professional musician, aspiring screenwriter and entertainer who emcees business functions and charity events that help troubled children and raise money to fight diseases.
But the Morton Grove resident also writes a blog and has written a screenplay about his main job that, well, no surprise, deals with sex, sex and more sex.
"It's a funny story about an aspiring entertainer who finds his niche and becomes a superstar in the swingers community," says Jacobson. "I've been doing this (entertaining) all my life, so when you finally find a niche, I'm proud. I tell everybody."
He was performing at a birthday party in 2000 when he sang a comedy song he wrote about his and his wife's vacation at the Hedonism II resort. A couple asked him to perform at a swingers convention at a suburban hotel.
"The next thing I know, I'm traveling around the country playing swinger shows," Jacobson says. While other local entertainers hope to land gigs opening for '70s bands at county fairs, Jacobson's summer is booked.
"I'm on the road about 50 days in the summer," Jacobson says, noting he is the performer for 11 swinger festivals, three fetish conventions and a bunch of pretty raunchy biker shows -- most of which take place in private campgrounds.
"I'm booking him for eight of my events," says Marv Thomann, owner of a Wisconsin campground "adult theme park" that hosts Midwest Sexpo, swinger conventions and nudie events. "He don't participate. He just entertains, and he is worth his weight in gold."
Thomann and Jacobson say the suburbs are full of swingers, who happily trade spouses for sex as casually as others might lend a lawn-edger. A Lake County couple earned fame in the swinger community for their annual convention -- a topic covered in a 2004 "Oprah" show titled "Secret Sex in the Suburbs."
"They'd like their lifestyle to be open, but we're a very judgmental society. It's such a big secret," Jacobson says of swingers. "I once ran into a good friend of ours' daughter. I've run into a doctor. No matter how well you think you know somebody, if you know somebody in that lifestyle, you might never now."
Jacobson says he remains fully clothed and faithful to his wife and their child.
"I'm not involved in the lifestyle at all," he says. "My wife doesn't even go."
He just finds it fascinating stuff to blog about, and worth a movie script. He notes that former suburban stripper Diablo Cody won an Oscar for writing the movie "Juno."
"So I'm really going that route," Jacobson says.
"I'd be happier to call you and say, 'I'm the guy who invented penicillin,' " Jacobson admits. "But my job is to get women up there and expose their breasts. This is what I do."
Judging from the sex stories that dominate the news, lots of Americans are familiar with the concept.