Va. students reach out to those at NIU

Like other students at Northern Illinois University, junior Cara Billuni is trying to reassemble her world after a gunman wreaked havoc on the campus Thursday.

The Lake in the Hills biology major lost one friend in the mass shooting that left six dead. Another was injured.

"I'm a little shaken up," Billuni said.

Nearly 700 miles away, a complete stranger understands how she feels.

"You don't know me … but we have a lot in common," Virginia Tech mechanical engineering student Stephen Phillips e-mailed Billuni.

"I've been through what you're going through," he wrote referring to the massacre of 32 students at Virginia Tech by a disturbed student April 16, 2007.

"If you need someone to talk to, I am here."

The unexpected kindness won't be forgotten by Billuni.

"It was so touching," she said. "It was amazing."

Connected now by two horrific events, Virginia Tech students are reaching out to their counterparts in DeKalb via Internet sites such as Facebook, which has a Hokies for Huskies posting that caught Phillips' attention.

A number of students wore red Friday in honor of NIU, and a candlelight vigil is planned for Monday on the campus.

Virginia Tech assistant history professor Brett Shadle felt the same tug as Phillips on Friday when he added condolences to a memory book on the NIU Web site.

"It was a shot to the gut to realize it was happening again," said Shadle, a Northern Illinois grad.

Although months have passed and a quarter of the university's population was in high school when the shooting occurred at Virginia Tech, "a lot of the professors feel some students are not fully engaged. Some still are in a funk," Shadle said.

But one important way students dealt with their grief was organizing events in memory of slain friends.

"What helped people here was building a sense of community. What helped students and faculty was coming together in all sorts of forums," Shadle said.

Lauren Lee, editor of the Virginia Tech yearbook, "The Bugle," called the NIU situation "heartbreaking."

She remembers the fear of last April -- anxiously waiting to find out if friends were safe. But instead of leaving the campus after the murders, Lee stayed and surrounded herself with friends. That was the best therapy, she believes.

"We at Tech took pride in the fact our community came together," Lee said.

And she promised NIU students, "you will get through this."

For NIU parents, the last two days have been an emotional wringer -- something Sue McVey of Arlington Heights understands.

"There's nothing in the parenting books about this one," said McVey, whose son Bryan attended Virginia Tech last year.

"It was hard to read the paper today. For any parent who has someone in college, it's hard not to be emotional," McVey said.

Parents have to realize their kids are young adults and try to act accordingly, she recommended.

"You just have to be as supportive as you can. It's about what they need versus what we need."

Jenny Dawley of Naperville helped son Jeffrey deal with the death of a favorite Virginia Tech professor last year.

"Just be there for them," she advised. "It's very important they talk and share. You don't have to say anything. You just need to be there and let them verbalize."

By a twist of fate, one of Jeffrey's close friends is a senior at Northern.

"How odd is this?" she asked. "They attended two different schools but are in a similar situation."

For Cindy Dulla, whose daughter Rachel went to St. Charles East High School before attending Virginia Tech, Thursday brought back poignant memories.

"It's tough because you're thankful your child is alive, but it's bittersweet," Dulla said. "You feel bad for others."