If you're looking for Super commercials, Coke is it
A dreary proficiency reigned over most of Super Bowl XLII -- and especially the Super Bowl ads. While the game had one of the most exciting climaxes in NFL history, the ads showed only moderate improvement toward the end.
Coca-Cola saved the day with a couple of terrific spots in the fourth quarter. The first found the Underdog and Stewie "Family Guy" parade balloons fighting over a Coke balloon -- eventually claimed by none other than the Charlie Brown balloon. In another spot, political adversaries James Carville and Bill Frist had a meeting of the minds -- over Coke.
The other top spot of the night found Shaquille O'Neal being a jockey for Vitamin Water, and FedEx scored its annual touchdown with a new spot in which it competed against giant carrier pigeons. A message about a street-corner drug dealer being driven out of business by the accessibility of parents' prescription drugs might have been the best public-service announcement in Super Bowl history.
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Yet there was a rash of nonsensical ads that all but stood on their heads to attract attention and cut through the Super Bowl clutter, commercials that frequently left a viewer wondering, "Say what?"
There was a flaming circle of death and a witch doctor shrinking heads for Cars.com, a nattering boss conducting an interview for Tide, a dog drinking water for Gatorade, lizards dancing to "Thriller" for Lifewater and a stylish animated Sisyphus for General Motors -- all to no good purpose.
Careerbuilder.com had a split decision. A spot in which a woman literally followed her heart to a new job succeeded, but another in which a spider basically swallowed a star for wishing for a new job fell flat.
Better were Napoleon using Garmin's GPS system, and Diet Pepsi Max getting sleepy people (including Fox play-by-play announcer Joe Buck, who might well have dropped off during the first three quarters) to bob their heads to "What Is Love." Even Bud got off a good one with a Dalmatian training a Clydesdale to join the beer-wagon team -- complete with the soundtrack to "Rocky" and a horse-dog high-five.
Worse were a Planters ad in which a homely woman wowed men by rubbing peanuts behind her ears, and of course that annoying U.S. Cellular baby-talk spot.
Audi killed a Mercedes Benz in an ad copped shot-for-shot from the famous horse's head scene in "The Godfather." Mercedes responded with its usual staid commercial.
The cavemen were back on ads for Geico -- where they belong. Yet what did they think about the stereotypical ad for Bud Light in which cavemen invented the wheel to cart beer around -- and couldn't figure out how to properly use it?
It also turns out Bud Light can make you fly and breathe fire. Tell me something I don't know.
The grossest ad found a mechanic strapping jumper cables to his nipples and starting a car by drinking Amp. Hyundai did an anti-Super Bowl ad, and GoDaddy.com did a spot about sending viewers to its Web site to see the spot they couldn't see. Since GoDaddy.com is all about its Web site, it made a certain amount of sense -- unlike others.
Tom Petty the Heartbreakers managed to perform four songs at halftime without a wardrobe malfunction or suggestive shadows -- and without much excitement, either, but for the canned chaos provided by the "fans" running onto the field.
The best thing that could be said for Jordin Sparks' rendition of the national anthem is she lip-synced better than Paula Abdul in her pre-game performance of her new single, "Dance Like There's no Tomorrow."
"Who's that?" said my 12-year-old daughter.
"Paula Abdul," I replied.
"Are you serious?" she responded.
The vaunted "red carpet" element of Fox's four-hour pre-game show was largely an excuse to plug Fox stars like Abdul and Hugh Laurie of "House." But once the game proper began on WFLD Channel 32, the coverage was businesslike and technically proficient. They waited for the game to be exciting, and in the end it was. The ads, however, like the Patriots, turned out to be less than perfect.