Parents need to monitor teen activities online just to be safe
Naperville police detective Rich Wistocki sees it all the time in the families of pre-teens and teens, yet parents don't see it.
The 18-year veteran of the Naperville force is talking about NMK Syndrome, discovered by Nora Melts Keystone in 1998.
It affects households with children 17 and younger. The results of her study showed how teens and pre-teens left unsupervised online get into trouble that quickly escalates because it goes undetected by parents who are otherwise vigilant about safety.
The Internet is like a door onto a virtual back alley. It's a place where adults and older teens have access to the younger ones. In fact, everyone has access to your youngster, who, in turn, has access to information from older teens and adults about local parties where alcohol and other drugs flow freely.
If you could see and hear these people, you'd never let your teen hang with them. But since you're not monitoring their Internet use, in effect, you are.
Parents know about Internet danger, but believe their own teen isn't involved. Particularly at-risk are teens who are lonely or depressed. Otherwise happy teens, after a breakup with a boyfriend or girlfriend or other major life event, suddenly can become high risk when they weren't before.
But back to NMK Syndrome. Teens and pre-teens left unattended online can make themselves into someone they're not. They fantasize with other kids, as well as with adults masquerading as kids, Wistocki says. The activity leads to lying, sleep deprivation, swearing, stealing, sexual misconduct, sneaking out and running away.
How to avoid NMK? Wistocki advises parents to set controls on the computer and put it in a public place.
"If you believe your child's mouth and not your gut, you are falling into NMK. If you say, 'I'm there when she's online, she tells me everything,' that's a chronic symptom of NMK," Wistocki says in his PowerPoint slides on the topic, which he presents locally several times a year.
If your child clicks off or Xs out when you enter, this is NMK.
If you get late-night, unexplained phone calls, this is NMK.
If your child says, "Don't you trust me?" or "Mom, this is personal," this is NMK.
If your child can't explain in detail everyone on his buddy list, this is NMK.
If your child can't explain certain phone numbers on his cell phone, or isn't asked to, this is NMK.
At this point in his talk, Wistocki owns up that NMK is not a syndrome and Nora Melts Keystone does not exist.
What is it, then? NMK is Not My Kid.
Most parents Wistocki deals with have said this to themselves for months, he says, reiterating that they need to supervise their child's Internet life as they do other aspects.
Teens, especially, need bosses. Just because you don't understand it, or don't use instant messaging or Facebook or MySpace yourself, doesn't mean you can ignore it.
"Let them know that everything they do, you're monitoring. Put software in place and check the history, check where they're going online," Wistocki said. "Every teenager needs to be monitored while online."
Supervise them no less online than when they're offline, he says.
"You wouldn't let them go to a sleepover if you didn't know where they were going," he said. "The biggest mistake parents make is not checking."