Nothing says happy holidays like a mass-produced missive

Enough, already! Uncle! It's time to give the ubiquitous Christmas newsletter a break!

That annual, much-maligned epistle of news, from friends and family down the street or far away, is something we love to hate.

Newsletter bashing is a popular sport almost everywhere at this time of year, whether in the national media or on the local cocktail party circuit.

It seems the luckless writers of these humble, homespun mass mailings just can't win.

"Don't brag!" admonished a recent newspaper article on the topic. "Keep it upbeat -- no bad news allowed," it continued. "Don't talk about your children, your vacation, your pets or your accomplishments."

What, then? No good news, no bad news, nothing about your children, your job, your travels, or any project you're excited about? What are we to write about -- the weather?

This same newspaper article, clearly written by a professional Christmas basher filling in for the journalist that day, also counseled that to write about any happy events could be insensitive to potential recipients who didn't have such a great year.

For Pete's sake, what nonsense! An extra helping of political correctness with your Christmas cards, anyone?

I freely admit this: I love getting Christmas newsletters. I love reading the news about children of former neighbors whom we knew as toddlers and kindergartners and who are now high schoolers and college students. I love seeing how they're all growing up.

I love hearing the news from my many siblings and myriad nieces and nephews. We've moved so much and can't stay in touch with everyone year-round, but to slice open a festive Christmas envelope and have a folded letter fall into my lap is happiness, indeed. And photos, too? A blissful part of the season.

Who cares if the letter is not great literary work, or it's too long, or the font is too small, or all the news is relentlessly upbeat? Or, as Garrison Keillor says, all the children are above average? Who cares? Not I.

Some letters I even put aside, unread, until I have the time and peace to sit down with a cup of tea and savor their news fully.

I look forward to receiving the cards that usually contain a mass-mail letter as much as the ones that include a handwritten note. When I open a card and an expected printed letter is missing, I feel a little mist of disappointment settle down around me.

Maybe the sender was extra busy this year, or the news is too bad, or the Christmas bashers got to him. No news after all, just "Merry Christmas" or "Happy Holidays" and a signature. Still nice, still welcome, but still…

I remember receiving a pleasant card one year from two former co-workers who had married each other. A greeting and a signature. Nice enough, but I later found out that during the preceding year, they'd each gotten new jobs, they'd bought their first house and were expecting their first child.

Would it have been so bad if they'd shared news of all that good fortune in a printed letter?

I fear the Christmas bashers have stilled our pens (or computer keyboards) and scared us all into silence. If we let them, that is.

I plan to put fingers to keyboard once again to send a Christmas missive. Consider yourself warned if you're on my list. I may even toast a slice of my sister's superb homemade fruitcake to savor as I write.

It's true. Since I've 'fessed up about enjoying mass-produced letters, I may as well come fully out of the Christmas closet -- I like fruitcake, too.