Holidays can be a recipe for the blues
Sometimes all that glistens during the season isn't glitter or gold, it's tears. We expect the holidays to be festive, a time to gather with family and friends, to celebrate the promise of rebirth in the midst of darkness. In our dreams … before reality appears.
"For many people this is the season of expectations -- to be happy, to buy lots of gifts, go to parties," explained Kenneth P. Davison, a clinical psychologist at Advocate Medical Group Counseling Center on Advocate Lutheran General Hospital's campus in Park Ridge. "But all that anticipation can become disappointment. Those expectations of what we should have or be simply reinforces what isn't there for us."
These days we might be filled with strain and stress -- not joy. Loss of loved ones, coping with chronic illness, dealing with skirmishes within families, disappointments over relationships or finances, buying into the over-commercialism of the season -- all can trigger holiday blues. Steeped in tradition and ritual, holidays are reminders of how life was before the loss of a spouse or before life was compromised by illness.
But there are ways to dig out of those doldrums. Set realistic expectations. Forget Martha Stewart. Maybe this is the year to emulate the Simpsons, not O.J., but Marge and Homer. Why not put off sending Christmas cards until Ground Hog's Day?
Simplify, simplify, suggests Davison. Throw out those Christmas catalogs, turn off the commercials hyping glitz, gifts and greed. Reflect on the meaning that the holidays hold for you personally. Find new activities reflecting a deeper significance of the celebration.
"This may be an opportunity to modify or actively change some traditions," advised Davison, who also has offices in Wheaton. "Even the best family tradition can use a little updating once in awhile."
Plan ahead, but live in the moment. Don't over-organize; it's OK to be spontaneous. Review the past. What worked, what bombed? Use Christmas Past as a guide for your plans this year.
Return to your faith. Traditions within churches can nurture and bring healing even in difficult times.
"Faith communities help people strip away the trappings of commercialism of the season and get to the core, help us focus on issues around peace, reflection, helping others, sharing," said Davison.
Many churches are holding Blue Christmas services, sometimes called a Longest Night Remembrance, providing a quiet, reflective time away from the forced frivolity and hoopla of the season. Wheatland Salem United Methodist Church in Naperville has held this seasonal respite for four years, along with many others in the suburbs.
"This service is to meet the needs of people who are going through disappointment or discouragement during the holiday season. This is a way to let us know that there is still God's hope and light in the midst of all our struggles -- an opportunity for people to just come as they are and experience God's hope and light, even if it's just a glimmer," explained Amy Altenbern, director of discipleship and caring ministries at Wheatland.
Another way to beat those blues is to reach out to others, even if you may be the one most in need.
"These activities can help us feel good about ourselves and boost our spirits," said Davison.
But schedule time for yourself, too. Don't let yourself get overly tired, but take time to exercise. Watch your diet and alcohol consumption.
Be aware of your emotions. Is it depression or the blues? Unchecked feelings of sadness or anxiety that become too intense or last for several weeks may be signs of depression and require medical help.
"Frequency, intensity and duration are the three guidelines," advised Davison. "If it's been going on, getting worse, a steady downhill, well, then it's time to get help. The biggest predictor of whether it's depression or the blues is one's connections or lack of connections -- whatever your age."
Blue Christmas services
Here are just a few churches holding Blue Christmas services this year:
Sunday, Dec. 16
Immanuel Presbyterian Church, 29W260 Batavia Road, Warrenville. 4:30 p.m. (630) 393-4400.
Grace Lutheran Church, 5 North Princeton, Villa Park. 4 p.m. (630) 832-0870
Tuesday, Dec. 18
First Presbyterian Church of Arlington Heights, 302 North Dunton Ave., Arlington Heights. 7 p.m. (847) 255-5900
Thursday, Dec. 20,
Wheatland Salem United Methodist Church, 1852 W. 95th St., Naperville. 7 p.m. Longest Night Remembrance Service. (630) 904-1035
Sunday, Dec. 23
Holy Trinity Lutheran Church, 2328 Central Road, Glenview. 4 p.m. (847) 724-6060