Not enough superlatives for Hester

If the Bears had a better record, Devin Hester would be among the Top Five contenders for Most Valuable Player in the NFL.

Man, I can't believe that sentence came out of this computer. I mean, a kick returner as an MVP candidate?

That's as goofy as it gets, or so it seemed until an e-mail arrived Tuesday from Sports Illustrated.

The news flash: Adam Duerson, one of SI's writers, nominated Hester for Sportsman of the Year.

Yes, folks, it has come to that … and why shouldn't it?

Superlatives for rare athletes progress from intriguing to good to great to star to special to superstar to Hall of Famer.

What's left? Hester is ascending toward that rare air in which few compliments remain for him.

"What else can I say?" Bears head coach Lovie Smith uttered the other day about Hester.

The last Bear in this category was Walter Payton, who received every platitude during his career. Finally, I settled upon "Greatest football player ever."

Compliments were used up on Michael Jordan even faster than they will be on Hester. Now His Airness simply is the "Greatest basketball player ever."

Hester, after a mere 30 NFL games, is no Payton or Jordan. But he is a unique talent who compels a search for fresh flattery.

That's where "MVP candidate" comes from. Not just MVP of the Bears. Of the entire freakin' league.

Hester isn't going to win the award this or any other season. He doesn't touch the ball enough to beat out the likes of Tom Brady and Brett Favre.

But to even suggest a kick returner could be a candidate is enough of a rave.

"He could be, the way he's playing," Bears special-teams coach Dave Toub said shortly after Hester's two touchdown returns against Denver.

Quarterbacks, running backs, run stoppers, pass rushers, shutdown cornerbacks … those are the guys who influence games by making opponents plan for them.

Isn't that what Hester does?

When asked whether he's starting to take Hester for granted. Toub quickly said, "No." Then he added, "He's a great talent and there are 10 other guys out there doing a good job with him."

Hester and his blockers change everything every time he's on the field. Isn't that the sort of impact an MVP candidate has on a game?

"Every time I'm out there," Hester said, "I feel like I'm going to be the guy that makes a play."

Sometimes he'll do so with his physical gifts. Sometimes he'll do so with his mere presence.

The most frustrating aspect to the Bears' season is that the offense squanders the field position Hester provides.

But if this guy has to be like Johnny Depp in a church-basement production, so be it. All we can do is marvel at all he does while bemoaning all the Bears' offense doesn't do.

Ironically, Hester even changes what Bears special teams do. They have to practice against a variety of kicks, including squibs and bloops. They also have to deploy more good-hands people for when the opposition kicks away from Hester.

"It creates a lot of challenges," Toub said.

The biggest is trying to concoct new compliments for a kick returner like Devin Hester.

MVP candidate and Sportsman of the Year are the latest, because "Greatest kick returner ever" already goes without saying.