Father reaches out to Glendale Hts. family

It's 4 a.m. in India.

Anand Tiwari can't sleep. It's been about three months since his wife killed herself and their two young children.

On Aug. 11, Nimisha Tiwari set their Naperville home ablaze after she bought a can of gasoline and shut herself in a bedroom with the kids.

Their grieving father is left alone to cope. Anand Tiwari returned to India this week as part of a four-day religious trip in Kashmir. Within hours of his arrival, he learned of a similar tragedy in Glendale Heights.

Two young brothers, 7-year-old Vishv Patel and his brother, Om, 4, remain hospitalized in drug-induced comas after being doused in gasoline and set ablaze Sunday in a fire police suspect their father intentionally ignited. They may not survive.

Kaushik Patel, 34, suffered non-life-threatening injuries and remains hospitalized. Prosecutors said they anticipate filing criminal charges as his condition improves.

Both tragedies have eerie similarities. In each, a parent amid marital problems is accused of making a plan to use gasoline to set their children ablaze. The new toys their parents just bought them were near their sides.

For Tiwari, news of the latest tragedy rips open a painful scab. He plans to reach out to the Patel family to offer any assistance.

"I'm just very, very bothered," he said Wednesday. "It does make it feel like yesterday. You go through all the emotions again. In my mind, it brings me back to my daughter and son. I picture what they looked like when I went to identify them."

He can't sleep. So, the father penned his thoughts at 4 a.m. for the Daily Herald.

This is extremely unfortunate and a sad moment, not only for the family, but for our society. I pray that the children survive and come out of danger. Having a life is incomparable to anything.

I am emotionally very disturbed. How can a parent even think of doing this? For the wife, there will be 50 different thoughts every minute.

It is very important for the friends and family to support her, not leave her alone, even while sleeping, not let her drive, ensure she eats, look for signs of emotional stress and support accordingly.

Let her grieve in whatever way she chooses, either by talking to old-time friends, looking at her children's toys, photographs or talking about them, everything helps.

She will be unable to sleep or sleep for 2-3 hours or will wake up at night, unable to sleep. She will have to visit the home for several reasons, but she should not go to the house alone. It is mentally, emotionally and medically very stressful to go to the house, but she will have no choice other than to go there to get important things for her family.

There will be several times during the next months where she will be reminded of what happened, and one has to go through these emotional roller coasters.

People will get back to their lives in the next several weeks depending on the relationship, but she will have to deal with this even after that.

Troubled marriage cannot be the sole/defining reason for such actions. Otherwise, most troubled marriages would result in this.

It may be an outcome of several ingredients, like medical condition, inappropriate guidance without understanding the laws, ill-advice from advisers without putting themselves in this situation, divorce as a social taboo in culture, fear of child custody, hate the spouse more than you love the child (sorry to use the word 'hate,' but that is what is coming to my mind), self-created belief of doing a favor to the children, greed, guilt, post-separation difficulties, post-separation handling of relationships, and most importantly treating relationship and life as a game of either I win or I won't lose.

Whatever are the reasons, this criminal act is not the answer.

Please stop doing this torture to children.

Why are children used as a tool to get back? Why are lives taken of these innocent kids who are the greatest creation and blessing of God? Irrespective of whether the parent survives or not in such events, in any court, including God's, you will be guilty and there is no repent for this sin.

We teach our kids to share toys, games, etc. … yet as parents we are not ready to share the children. Why? Is it culture or is it the stronger of the love for child/hate the spouse factor, or is it just pure guilt?

Whatever it is -- taking the life of a child is not the answer. Do not think that you are doing the child a favor, because you are torturing the child to the extreme.

Imagine you trust someone so blindly that you will run to this person's arms if you get scared by a noise or lightning/thunder outside.

Imagine that trust is because you know this person will save you from everything and this is one of the safest places and person to be with on Earth.

Imagine if you have a cold or high fever, you know that the soothing comforts of this person's arm or lullabies are the only thing that will help.

Imagine you trust this person because of God's gift of the parent-child relationship, because your emotional intelligence, right from when you were born, suggests a magical bond that is unmatched.

Now imagine that you are 4 years old or 18 months old and your innocence and trust is so pure that you don't know what is about to happen to you.

You are playing with the toy you just got from the person you trusted without knowing that this person has already planned to end your life.

You are helpless because of your age, trust and relationship. Your trust is broken and this person ended a gift of God. But guess what -- the child now knows who you are and what you did. The child will never ever forgive you.

It is saddest thing for any parent living/dead to become this in the eyes of their children. Committing suicide and murdering children is not the answer.

I want to find some peace for my children and I pray that the recent incident and the linkage do not obstruct my efforts.

The linking of the recent incident with my children's photographs on TV is not right. I don't think the media is aware of the autopsy results for my wife that were completed 2 weeks ago.

A neuropathologist was involved in her autopsy who after detailed microscopic examination of her brain has confirmed her of having multiple sclerosis.

Please mention this fact whenever reporting what she did so that any potential parent does not just link the actions to a troubled marriage.

I am also very disturbed by the reports that the father was inspired by the Aug 11 incident. Please, let's not use the word "inspire," as it is not the right word for this situation keeping in mind the potential risk.

I request the media to avoid linking the two incidents for several reasons, such as for giving my children their privacy or giving them peace or helping me heal, but I also am requesting it for the sake of those children who are potentially at risk of such acts of torture and losing their lives at the hands of the person who they trust most, their parents.

Please let us all collectively as a society do our part to help save the lives of these innocent children.