Bears bites
Best bite: Is there any chance Devin Hester can throw a spiral?
Worst bite: Once you put down the Rex Grossman Haterade, the Bears offense still leaves a bad taste in your mouth. Turnovers, weak passing routes and poor blocking have become hallmarks of this team regardless of which uninspired quarterback plays.
Positive bite: Take heart, Chicago. If it had been a competition for most boneheaded penalties in a single game, the Bears would have won convincingly.
Grateful bite: Thank goodness there are still teams dumb enough to kick to Devin Hester.
Missing bite: If anyone sees first-round draft pick Greg Olsen wandering around the city, please return him to the Bears. He hasn't been heard from in ages.
Missing bite II: Better yet, if anyone sees former running back Thomas Jones, forget about Olsen and please return Jones to Halas Hall.
Short bite: Quarterback Brian Griese threw only one pass longer than 20 yards. Seriously, someone needs to test Hester's arm strength.
Boring bite: Tatum Bell's cheeky "wardrobe malfunction" was the most entertaining part of an otherwise coma-inducing first half. No butts about it.
Reality bite: Third-string quarterback Kyle Orton won 10 games in 2005. Just sayin'.
Heavenly bite: Do you hear that noise? That's the sound of the nation's best college quarterbacks praying the Bears don't draft them.
Sweet bite: When their football careers are over, Brian Griese and Rex Grossman should open a pastry shop together. They could call it Turnovers Galore.
Nostalgic bite: Remember during the pre-season when all the prognosticators breathlessly told us this would be the best Bears team ever? It almost makes you believe in vast media conspiracies.
Sound bite: "Chicago right now has more problems than just at quarterback," FOX Analyst Brian Baldinger, the winner of this week's Capitan Obvious award.
Trouble bite: Add onside kicks to the growing list of things the Bears need to work on.
Optimistic bite: Look on the bright side. You can now make plans for Feb. 3, 2008, without fear of missing the Bears' back-to-back Super Bowl appearances.