Unnecessary twists, unlikely teen turns and unknown kid reality

The demise of the sitcom has been greatly exaggerated, but rumors of its revival aren't exactly accurate, either.

Sitcom pros Kelsey Grammer and Patricia Heaton are together again for the first time in the new Fox show "Back to You," which debuts at 7 p.m. Wednesday on WFLD Channel 32. If these two can't make a situation comedy work, nobody can. To borrow a metaphor from music criticism, they could probably read the phone book, alternating names, and make it sound funny.

The dialogue is better than that in the "Back to You" pilot -- but not all that much better. Grammer and Heaton play news anchors Chuck Darling and Kelly Carr, who had a conflict relationship at the Pittsburgh station they worked at years ago. While Carr remained in place, Darling went on to greater glory, reaching the bright lights of Los Angeles -- where a profane on-air diatribe about an incompetent co-worker got him fired.

Thus the title, as Darling is headed back to Pittsburgh to confront those he slighted on the way up. And while Carr tries to be big about it, she can only hold it in so long.

"You want the real breaking news?" she says right before they go on the air. "I cannot do this with you again, you preening gas bag."

At its best, "Back to You" is a fine workplace comedy about a TV newsroom. The ever-hilarious Fred Willard is along as sports anchor Marsh McGinley.

"I still vomit before every show," he tells Darling as he gets up from the makeup table.

"Well, if it ain't broke," Darling wryly replies.

Ayda Field is hottie Latina weather forecaster Montana Diaz Herrera, Ty Burrell is nebbish reporter Gary Creztzewski, brushed aside by Darling's return, and Josh Gad is 26-year-old news director Ryan Church, who previously ran the station Web site.

Relatively subtle satire like that and the lampoon of late-night live remotes are spot-on. Unfortunately, the writers display a weakness for off-color misogynistic jokes. (Darling to Herrera on her breathy delivery: "You need to use your diaphragm more -- as if that's possible.") And at the end, they take a turn for the worse where formulaic sitcoms are concerned.

Fox has asked that twist remain a secret, but let me say that it dramatically alters the show, deflects attention from the workplace and leads the series down a threadbare, sentimental path. Grammer and Heaton are awfully good; they don't require the needless complication they're saddled with in the end.

Still, nothing in "Back to You" is as outlandish as "Gossip Girl," the trashy CW young-adult series premiering at 8 p.m. Wednesday on WGN Channel 9. I say "young adult," but really I should just be straightforward and say "teen," because it concerns students at an elite New York City prep school -- who are routinely having sex, taking drugs and meeting at hotel bars for martinis.

Not to say that never happens in real life, but this is really tarted up. My guess is this series takes considerable license with the books by Cecily von Ziegesar it's based upon. It concerns the Betty & Veronica relationship between friends and rivals played by Blake Lively as the sultry Serena and Leighton Meester as the waifish Blair. Chace Crawford's Nate is the guy stuck between them -- and forced to stay there by his dad, who's doing business with Blair's mom.

Penn Badgley is Dan Humphrey (he should've got permission to keep his real name), an outcast who in an unlikely turn befriends Serena, and Taylor Momsen is his freshman sister Jenny, fresh meat to Ed Westwick's predatory Chuck. (He has the impish eyebrows and Cupid's bow lips of a Caravaggio model, and he's every bit as nasty as he looks.)

Produced by the makers of "The O.C.," it basically takes the same teen soap and transports it to the even wilder environs of New York City, throwing in the mystery of who is the title narrator for spice. It's a trashy show that will do anything to titillate, then draw back in an attempt to be sweet and sentimental. Parents figure to be outraged even as kids find it alluring.

On that note, "Gossip Girl" can thank its lucky stars for "Kid Nation," CBS' new reality series placing 40 kids on their own in a New Mexico ghost town. It has come under attack for exploiting kids and exposing them to danger, with the contract their parents signed -- allowing that CBS was not responsible for injuries or pregnancy -- cited as Exhibit A.

Anyone who has ever sent a kid off to horse camp has probably signed something almost equally damning, but that hasn't silenced the critics, even as TV critics have had to stand back.

While insisting that he wasn't being affected by the backlash, producer Tom Forman was tinkering with the debut right up to air time at 7 p.m. Wednesday on WBBM Channel 2, so review tapes didn't go out to critics. Yet I have to say that the glimpses I got of the show last spring seemed captivating and heartwarming by turns. And as in "Survivor," I don't believe for a second that CBS ever allowed these kids to be harmed beyond the usual cuts and scrapes. Releases or no, there's just no profit in it.

Not that I'd send my daughter off to audition for any future installments of "Kid Nation," but I wouldn't let her go to an "American Idol" audition (read "hazing"), either.

The show includes four Chicago-area kids, including Nathan, an 11-year-old from Mount Prospect who reportedly makes a stand for free-market Republicans everywhere. All I can say is my daughter and I will be watching. These kids can't do anything worse than what goes on in "Gossip Girl."

Remotely interesting: "The Simpsons" is out with a new musical collection, "Testify," on CD today. It has a list price of $19 from Shout! Factory.

NBC has made its pilot episodes for "Chuck," "Journeyman" and "Life" available on DVD for a two-day free rental at Blockbuster outlets. It also includes highlights from "Bionic Woman."

End of the dial: Bob Dylan returns as disc jockey for a second season of "Theme Time Radio Hour" at 9 a.m. Wednesday on XM satellite radio.

WLS 890-AM afternoon host Roe Conn formally donated the Carnable Wagon to the Harry Caray's in Lombard last week, ending the last vestiges of his former partnership with Garry Meier, now at WCKG 105.9-FM.

-- Ted Cox