Kids may need some reassuring
What do you say if your child asks: "Mommy, why would a mommy kill her little girl?"
And how do you answer if your child also asks: "Mommy, are you going to kill me?"
Don't be surprised if that's just what your youngster is thinking in the aftermath of the apparent murder Tuesday of Crystal Lake 7-year-old Sydney Kamysz by her mother, Magdalene Kamysz, and her mother's subsequent suicide.
The discovery of the bright little girl dead on the eve of her first day of school has stirred emotions across the community and in the schools.
And as parents ask the imponderable, experts say their children will need those parents to be reassuring, understanding and patient in coming days and months.
"Be honest with your child and be supportive and reassuring," said Christine Harris, associate superintendent of Crystal Lake Elementary District 47, where Sydney was to start second grade. "Children need to express their grief and ask their questions. They need time to understand something that makes no sense."
Students and staff at Sydney's school, Husmann Elementary, were pulling together, Harris said. "They're doing OK. School is a lot like family, and at this point they're pulling together.
"They're just trying to make sure it's a safe place for children today and that children have an opportunity to ask questions."
There will be many questions to come from those youngsters as well as those from children who hear about it on the news said Kathy Hinz, District 47's director of special education.
"Parents themselves are the most important resource. They'll know what their child will handle or not handle," Hinz said. "The important thing in dealing with crisis is to always meet the child at the level they're at. Don't talk over their heads and not use baby talk or dumb it down."
Do a lot of listening, she added. "Some may need to sit and think about it. Some may want to talk about it. Sometimes the best thing is to sit and listen. We don't know how to help them unless we listen."
Watch for behavior changes. Some may act out, wet beds, cry, cling, withdraw. Feeling a lack of control, others may seek to control the things they can.
"Sometimes kids will naturally focus on death. Why would a mommy kill her child?" Hinz said. "Be honest with the child -- I don't know why somebody would do that. It's a tragedy and unfortunately sometimes things happen we can't explain."
Reassure your child that their environment is safe and that "Mommy's not going to hurt you."
If you're not comfortable discussing death with your child or if your child is uncomfortable asking you, ask the school to help, Hinz said.
But mainly pay attention to what your child is saying to you. "When it's out of the blue and it's tragic, it takes time to process. You want to make sense out of it. Sometimes, unfortunately, there isn't an explanation."