Suburban kids learn how to milk cows

Nicole McCallion prefers her milk chilled and wants the container it comes in run through the sterilization cycle.

Alma, her milk container du jour Tuesday, really didn't have any objections as long as somebody fed her some cracked corn. Fast.

The 1,400-pound dairy cow needed all the sustenance she could get. Every time her handler, Jon Kuester, turned his back, she'd try to sneak over to the bucket of food he kept trying to move a smidgen out of her reach.

"I just hope she doesn't smell -- and she's sanitized," Nicole, 13, said with a grimace as she waited her turn at milking the docile -- if hungry -- Alma.

The beautiful, brown-eyed, red cow spent the day at Naper Settlement near downtown Naperville giving children volunteers a new chance to experience life on a 19th-century farm.

Much to their chagrin, that meant the realization farm animals don't use indoor plumbing.

"EEEWWWWW," the group of 15 yelled in unison as nature called mid-demonstration.

Kuester explained that for a cow of Alma's size to produce six gallons of milk per day, she needs to drink up to 40 gallons of water: hence the frequent outbursts.

While that seemed to register an "aha" moment in the youngsters' eyes, it did not entirely wipe the "gross" look from their faces.

Perhaps not surprisingly, the city slickers needed some lessons in the basics.

"Now, is that a girl cow?" one boy asked as they entered the pen.

After delivering a primer on the nature of the beast, Kuester, of Volkening Heritage Farm in Schaumburg, explained how to transfer the milk from Alma to the bucket. Well, in theory, at least.

"If you pull on the udder, all you get is a mad cow," he said.

It's all about nuance. And more of a sliding or, well, a milking, motion.

The first young volunteer out of the shoot gave the sliding attempt a try, but forgot the milking action. No go.

Alma clearly wasn't thrilled, either. She flicked her tail around and thwacked the boy in the head, much to the amusement of his peers.

A few seconds later, he got the hang of it and there was a cheery "pting" in the metal bucket.

Fifteen students, and about 45 minutes later, Kuester's boots were soaked. It's not so easy to aim those things.

The bucket, however, was little the worse for wear.

"I'd say that's about a cup," Kuester declared, peering deep inside.

Nicole, despite her initial misgivings, got over her whole germ aversion thing. Turns out udders aren't slimy and gross after all.

"I was really freaked out at first," she said. "But it's warm. It's fuzzy," she said.

Of course it also probably helped that Kuester cleaned Alma off with water and iodine before the milking.

Nicole's friend, Dale Summers, was equally surprised at the experience.

"I thought it felt like baby skin," the 13-year-old Naperville girl said.

In fact, when it came time for Round Two of Alma's udder versus the Napervillians, only one or two kids in the group bypassed the chance to jump right back into the mix.