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Forgiving others can heal our hearts

"Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another."

- Colossians 3:13 (NIV)

As a young woman, I learned a powerful lesson in unforgiveness. I hadn't spoken with my oldest sister for some time. It wasn't because we were angry with each other; she had moved away and our lives had taken us in different directions.

A few years later, we were united again. During a phone conversation, she had explained how she'd been angry with some family members. These family members knew nothing about her issue with them.

She went on to explain how she decided to forgive them.

I felt so sad for my sister that all that time she was making herself miserable with her unforgiveness when the other people she was angry with didn't even know there was a problem. Meanwhile, she had been held captive in an emotional prison.

To forgive the other person doesn't always mean they weren't wrong. Some we forgive may not know they've done anything wrong, while others may be sorry for what they've done. But, in any case, forgiveness is needed.

Many people won't forgive because they don't understand forgiveness. To forgive means you are willing to stop being bitter over something you can't change.

God is our vindicator, and only he can smooth out our issues. God instructs us to forgive because unforgiveness is unhealthy for us.

When we refuse to forgive, it is spiritually unhealthy because our souls and spirits were not created to be blocked by bitterness. Bitterness hinders us from becoming all God wants us to be. It can also block our ability to grow in a relationship with God.

It is emotionally unhealthy because it blocks the flow of joy and peace from our hearts and minds. Sometimes it causes illness because our bodies can't handle the emotional stress.

Stress releases the adrenaline hormone, which - increased on a regular basis - can wear out our organs. I've heard it put that unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting it to hurt someone else, when the reality is we're the ones being poisoned.

Forgiving doesn't mean we never bring correction to a situation or confront the issue whenever possible, or that we don't establish healthy boundaries when needed. It means, regardless of the situation, we choose to forgive what happened.

When we make a decision to forgive, we ask God to help us with our feelings. We may not feel like doing it, but we are stating that we desire to move in that direction. If our feelings don't support our choice right away, we can keep turning it over to God until our feelings catch up with our decision. Instead of being bitter, we can become better.

• Annettee Budzban is a Christian author, speaker, life coach and nurse. She can be contacted at annetteebudzban@aol.com or (847) 543-8413.

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