Burt Constable
-
Today's punch line could be taken seriously tomorrowDec 12, 2008 10:00 pm - It's difficult to be elected president of the United States if people don't know your name. You need name recognition. George W. Bush might never had gotten off that ran...
-
Elvis guv goes from 'All Shook Up' to 'Jailhouse Rock'Dec 10, 2008 10:00 pm - This 2005 description of Rod Blagojevich still makes me laugh: "Sleek is the mot juste to describe Blagojevich - elegant dark suit, glistening white shirt, subdued tie a...
-
Roll over Honest Abe, Land of Lincoln sinking lowerDec 09, 2008 10:00 pm - That whirring we hear coming from Springfield isn't the sound of a well-oiled political machine. It's Honest Abe reacting to the Land of Lincoln's latest corruption case...
-
Do-it-yourself painting has its benefits - but sometimes you need a proDec 08, 2008 10:00 pm - Want to improve your house, work out, save money, get a physical, raise your self-esteem and feel all lovey-dovey in one easy step? All you and your significant other ne...
-
Keeping peace even if God and Nixon share space on coinDec 05, 2008 10:00 pm - The angry e-mails, which arrive just as I'm getting in my Christmas mood, pile up quicker than snow on a sidewalk. Gripes include: A store clerk wishing people "Happy Ho...
-
Lingerie football in Hoffman Estates? Women's advances are ... goneDec 03, 2008 10:00 pm - The Sears Centre Arena in Hoffman Estates bills itself as a "family entertainment, cultural and sports" venue. It's easy to see how upcoming events such as Cirque du Sol...
-
'Partridge in a pear tree' season finds parakeet at a bird feederDec 01, 2008 10:00 pm - In 48 years of living in Elk Grove Village, Dick and Pat McCloughan have never seen anything like this in their back yard. "We were sitting at the kitchen table and my w...
-
More fun, fewer teeth and split decision on Obama, CubsNov 26, 2008 10:00 pm - On this holiday filled with tradition, I offer you the 13th version of my Thanksgiving Day column tradition. Our twin sons, Ross and Ben, were born on Thanksgiving Day 1...
-
Kids hang in balance when state won't pay bills on timeNov 24, 2008 10:00 pm - Teaching a child who has never spoken how to say "I love you" can be stressful. So can coaxing a first step out of a child who has never walked. Now the therapists who w...
-
New 'Monopoly' should include 'Get out of debt free' cardNov 21, 2008 10:00 pm - All across the suburbs, parents are discovering that the old board games they grew up with have changed. The classic game "Battleship" offers many versions. But the one ...