Grammar Moses: Carry on, my wayward grammar columnist

I've learned so much from reading books, but I've learned a lot from listening to music, too.

Prince taught me the Lord's Prayer in his 1993 song "Controversy," for instance.

I've rarely attended a church service that wasn't a funeral or a wedding, and I've been to a lot more funerals than weddings, so I've grown accustomed to the rituals of funeral services in many religions.

Back in 1977, when Kansas released its "Point of Know Return" album, I thought it odd that Steve Walsh pronounced "eulogy" as "elegy" in the final verse of the haunting song "Nobody's Home."

"A requiem was never sung, no elegy was read

No monument was carved in stone in memory of the dead

For those who made this place do not remain, they feel no pain

A stranger fate was never known

No one's home."

I've listened to that album hundreds of times since, but I don't remember having ever questioned "eulogy/elegy" again until a few days ago.

I always assumed "elegy" was an alternate pronunciation of "eulogy" or a synonym.

I've given a eulogy or two. I know what they are. So with my interest piqued again, I decided to check it out just before writing this.

Huzzah! They are different, but close cousins.

A "eulogy," as you probably know, is a speech or essay writing in praise of a person. That person need not be dead, but most of us associate it with a speech given at a funeral.

If the person standing before the mourners talks angrily about what a skinflint dear old dad was or that Aunt Sharon was a two-bit gambler, then it's not a proper eulogy.

Think of The Undisputed Truth's song, "Papa Was a Rolling Stone," made popular by The Temptations:

"Papa was a rolling stone

Wherever he laid his hat was his home

And when he died, all he left us was alone."

That, friends, is not a eulogy. It's an elegy: A mournful song or poem written on the occasion of someone's death.

I have never written an elegy, but Kerry Livgren and Steve Walsh from Kansas did - in a way - when they penned that song.

So, a 60-something grammar columnist is outwitted by a pair of 20-something rock star/songwriters.

I am humbled anew by Kansas' genius.

One more thought in the funereal vein: An epitaph is a phrase - usually on tombstones - in memory of someone who has died. I don't believe a proper epitaph need be complimentary, however.

When I was in Ireland last month, I happened upon plenty of "Here lieth the body of" tombstones, which is more like a pin in a Google map than an emotional memorial. There wasn't a lot of room for sentimentality back in the day, I guess.

An "epithet," on the other hand, has nothing to do with funerals.

In fact, it's probably best to keep them far away from funerals.

The two words share the prefix "epi-" which means "upon" in Latin.

An epithet is descriptive word or phrase that expresses a quality characteristic (a smelly dog, a dirty old man, a pedantic grammar columnist) about someone or something.

The most common epithets - and the ones I've listed here - are decidedly negative.

And we normally associate epithets as abusive terms, often with racial tones.

Needless to say, I've decided to be cremated, because I don't want to be haunted with the knowledge that one of my survivors decided to substitute an epithet for my epitaph.

Write carefully!

• Jim Baumann is vice president/executive editor of the Daily Herald. You can buy Jim's book, "Grammar Moses: A humorous guide to grammar and usage," at

grammarmosesthebook.com. Write him at jbaumann@dailyherald.com

and put "Grammar Moses" in the subject line. You also can friend or follow Jim at facebook.com/baumannjim.