Grammar Moses: Nobody who says 'least smartest' can call Bears fans dumb

Irony is my jam.

If I could spread it nice and thick on a slice of toast, I would.

I stick my neck out every week in an effort to evoke a smile and impart a dash of wisdom. If I whiff on either score, I feel defeated.

I do my best to turn bullying opportunities into good-natured learning experiences. That goes double for when a reader or I find fault with something our hardworking staff has done. I don't name names, I don't mock.

The world is better that way.

The fetid sea of social media belongs to the bullies, so it's nice to occasionally watch them get their comeuppance.

Especially when people correct grammar incorrectly.

If you're on social media, I'm sure you've seen people correct others - and whiff - in embarrassing fashion. That, cat videos and interesting news stories are what keep me on social media.

People who make a living communicating should be held to a higher standard than your average Joe. So when I get a news release that makes me laugh and cringe simultaneously, I don't feel any guilt about making an example.

The headline of one recent release reads: "The Chicago Bears are one of the Least Smartest Fanbase in the NFL, research shows."

Were the purpose of this release not to throw shade at the mental acuity of Bears fans, I probably wouldn't be making a big deal about it.

But it is, and so I am.

"The Chicago Bears have the 4th Least Smartest Fans in the NFL, ranking 29th in the NFL with an index score of 7.174!" the release begins. "By utilizing the social media analysis tool Hypeauditor, the education level of the social media followers for every team in the NFL were compiled and utilized to rank each fan base from most to least intelligent" based on the theory that with every level of education achieved one adds more IQ points.

One can find more statistical analyses of data in the world of sports than probably exist in space travel. This need not be one of them.

Lets dissect the first sentence of the news release:

• "Least smartest" is nonsensical. "Least smart" doesn't make much sense, unless you're describing a bunch of Nobel laureate finalists (all of whom presumably are quite smart). "Smartest" is an absolute, so there is no "least," "middling" or "most" smartest.

Wouldn't it be simpler, especially when framed in this way, to say Chicago Bears fans are the fourth-dumbest group of NFL fans?

I challenge the person who put this together to grab the microphone from the national anthem singer and announce this on the turf at Soldier Field.

What would that do but ensure one more body in the morgue?

• "One of the least ... smartest fan base" is problematic, too, because "fan base" should be plural.

All in all, this news release was a disaster.

It's not hard to see what happened here: variations of the releases tailored to each team were sent to their respective media markets.

Still, When you're looking at the smartest and least smart, it can't be cookie cutter.

Further evidence of the questionable nature of the study itself: The Buffalo Bills were named the smartest fan base. Sure, the Bills have strung together a few excellent seasons. But they still have one fewer Super Bowl win than the Bears. For those of you not proficient at math, that's zero.

Oh, and the Buffalo winters!

In second place you have Buffalo's Lake Erie neighbor, Cleveland.

What do the fans there have to celebrate? It's hard to say what's worse - Cleveland's weather or its football team.

Perhaps Browns fans are overrepresented by the learned medical staff at the Cleveland Clinic.

Write carefully!

• Jim Baumann is vice president/executive editor of the Daily Herald. You can buy Jim's book, "Grammar Moses: A humorous guide to grammar and usage," at

grammarmosesthebook.com. Write him at jbaumann@dailyherald.com

and put "Grammar Moses" in the subject line. You also can friend or follow Jim at facebook.com/baumannjim.