Grammar Moses: Now I've gone and done it

Edith Graber wrote from the River Glen Retirement Center in St. Charles with a compliment coupled with a complaint about a headline.

"Not done celebrating" was the headline for a girls soccer story.

"My mother used to say, 'Done is for eggs; the word you want is "finished,"'" Edith wrote.

I'll have you know, Edith, that my quoting your quote within a quote required me to count quotation marks on my fingers.

"Done" has a variety of applications. I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that your mother gave you this advice during the previous century, when my mom told me that if I were nauseous I made other people sick.

Language evolves, and the distinctions moms make are sometimes handed down by their moms, they're sometimes arbitrary and they're sometimes a bit narrow.

But because our moms told us, it becomes sacred.

"Done" can be the past participle of "do," which itself has myriad definitions.

But for the sake of Edith's complaint, let's stick to adjectival uses of "done."

• "Cooked": Eggs can be done; a steak can be rare, medium or well done; a cake is done when the toothpick comes out dry; the soup is done when the vegetables are tender.

Other definitions are shades of gray, steps toward annihilation.

• "Brought to an end or completed": When a project has been wrapped up, it's done. When you're fired, you're done with that company.

• "Doomed": After taking a furious pummeling from Muhammad Ali during the 12th and 13th rounds of the Thrilla in Manila, Joe Frazier was done.

• "Depleted": I ran 25 miles of the 26.2-mile marathon and was done. After the 14th round with Ali, Frazier's cornerman threw in the towel and the boxer was done.

• "Extinct": The last sighting of a dodo bird was in 1662, and one hadn't been seen for 24 years before that. Scientists estimate by 1690 the species was done.

(And here I thought it was in the early 1900s.)

But wait, Edith, I'm not done with you yet.

Back to your eggs. If a synonym for "done" is "over," can eggs be "over" if they're sunny side up? Or do they have to be over easy?

Wisen up

A recent Merriam-Webster's word of the day was "sapient."

It's not a word I use, perhaps because it means "possessing or expressing great wisdom."

You might find the definition surprising, given that "Homo sapiens" is its cousin.

The Latin-to-English translation of "Homo sapiens" is wise man.

It is our species, folks, and I think we can conclude that after reading a Nextdoor thread or watching a rerun of "The Jerry Springer Show" we can conclude that "Homo sapiens" is, well, false advertising.

We're as much to blame for watching Jerry Springer as the people who appeared on the show.

That's not to say I'm unhappy to be Homo sapiens. I appreciate that I have the capacity to reason and use tools, even if I can't make a compound miter cut the first time around to save my life.

I think the "wise man" handle, despite being sexist, ran its course millennia ago.

Homo sapiens have existed for 300,000 years but finally stopped chasing every would-be meal just 12,000 years ago and took up farming.

For our time, we were pretty darn wise. We were innovative. We were problem solvers. We're the species that others evolved into.

That potential still exists in all of us. It's important to be reminded of that from time to time.

Don't take this curmudgeonly screed as my being un-Homo sapiens. I just think the category is probably overbroad by today's standards. There are truly wise people among us and there are people who are riding our ancestors' coattails.

Write carefully!

• Jim Baumann is vice president/executive editor of the Daily Herald. You can buy Jim's book, "Grammar Moses: A humorous guide to grammar and usage," at

grammarmosesthebook.com. Write him at jbaumann@dailyherald.com

and put "Grammar Moses" in the subject line. You also can friend or follow Jim at facebook.com/baumannjim.