Grammar Moses: I'm your vehicle, baby

From the opening explosion from the horn section and Berwyn's own Jim Peterik growling behind the microphone, you knew The Ides of March's "Vehicle" was going to be a hit.

I did, and I was just shy of my eighth birthday when it started getting radio play in March 1970.

That song, like the friendly stranger in the black sedan who sings it, takes you anywhere you want to go. At my tender age, I read it as a cautionary tale. This was probably about the time my parents were recommending I stay away from creepy dudes in cars offering me candy.

I didn't know a metaphor from a hole in the ground back then.

I wouldn't learn until years later it was about a lovestruck teenage Peterik lamenting that the object of his affections seemed to want him only for where his 1965 Plymouth Valiant would take her.

"Vehicle" in Peterik's case isn't just a car. It's him. How many cars can drive you to the nearest star?

A "vehicle" is something that will transport people or things. Pretty wide open, yes?

"Vehicle" stood out on the charts. While the Beach Boys wrote every third song about cars, nobody was writing about "vehicles." And while "Little Deuce Coupe" gave you a very specific visual, "Vehicle" left a lot open to interpretation.

And that is my painfully long preamble for today's lead topic.

The alert came over: "Vehicle crash. Accident with injuries involving 2 motorcycles and a vehicle. 2 ambulances due."

It provided a location as well, but that's not the point.

Yes, it was a vehicular crash. You can get some sense for the awfulness of it given the specificity of two motorcycles being involved. But then a "vehicle" enters the scene, and the picture you've begun to draw in your mind starts to fade. What kind of vehicle? A minibike, a Radio Flyer wagon, a '65 Valiant, a Panzer tank, a C130 military transport plane?

"Vehicle" worked well for Peterik. It kick-started his career. And the malleability of the word made for a more interesting song.

But when you're telling people about a crash that's serious enough to warrant two ambulances, you want a more concrete word to describe the third mode of transport in the accident.

It's the same when "weapon" is used in copspeak to describe a crime. A "silver-colored weapon" to many people would conjure a vision of a chrome-plated revolver. But it could be a razor-sharp katana (see Uma Thurman), an ice pick (see Sharon Stone), a ballpoint pen (see Joe Pesci) or a hammer (see Chris Hemsworth).

Specificity in police reporting is incredibly important.

Personal pronouns

While I still pine for the day when we can invent a generic personal pronoun that everyone can be happy with, I've come to accept that "they" is the best we have for now.

My only objection is when its use creates confusion over how many people we are talking about. When that happens, it's best to write around it or use names instead of pronouns.

However, I received a minor jolt recently when I saw a Washington Post story about an in-depth interview with U.S. Rep. Adam Kinzinger. Here is the lede:

"It's not every day - or really, any day - you hear a sitting Republican lawmaker refer to themself as cowardly."

For starters, it's a lousy lede whose use of "themself" suggests the congressman is nonbinary.

That is not the case.

Assuming the WaPo writer's mission was to be inclusive, my feeling the use of "themself" merely introduced ambiguity (and you know how I feel about ambiguity in writing).

Perhaps I am not reading closely enough, but I don't recall seeing "themself" before as a reflexive pronoun.

I'm told The Associated Press now recognizes it.

Generically speaking, wouldn't the already established "oneself," which is genderless, work just as well and feel less clunky?

Write carefully!

• Jim Baumann is vice president/executive editor of the Daily Herald. You can buy Jim's book, "Grammar Moses: A humorous guide to grammar and usage," at grammarmosesthebook.com. Write him at jbaumann@ dailyherald.com and put "Grammar Moses" in the subject line. You also can friend or follow Jim at facebook.com/baumannjim.