'There are people here who will walk with you': St. Charles nonprofit combats stigma of PTSD

Fighting the stigma of post-traumatic stress disorder among military personnel, veterans and first responders has become a mission for Zoeie Kreiner of St. Charles.

Kreiner comes from a large military family, with 32 members who have served, including her grandfather and her son.

"The military has always been a part of my life - between the auxiliaries and doing things growing up, and now being a military mom," she said.

The turning point came when her son, who is in the Air Force, found out three people he knew in the military - his childhood friend, his bunkmate and his senior officer - ended their own lives within the span of four days in November of 2019.

Getting help to deal with that kind of emotional toll isn't easy for military personnel, who often fear the stigma of mental health issues or, even worse, losing their jobs, Kreiner said. Those dynamics also can play out among first responders, said Kreiner, who has seven children including a daughter who is an emergency medical technician working to become a firefighter.

So in the summer of 2020, Kreiner started the nonprofit Support Over Stigma.

"We want to make this so much a part of everyday conversation that people don't feel the stigma attached to it. That's what keeps so many people from getting help," she said.

For example, many people think PTSD means having flashbacks and nightmares, she said. But more common, subtle symptoms are not sleeping or eating - or sleeping or eating too much - along with depression, anxiety and hypervigilance.

What group does

Support Over Stigma helps in a variety of ways.

The group sends care packages to veterans at local Veterans Affairs hospitals and nursing homes, and "boxes for the brave" to currently deployed active-duty service members. The packages contain socks, T-shirts, hygiene products, decks of cards, candy and other food, if the rules allow it, plus a note of thanks and a list of resources inside and outside the military to get help for PTSD.

At Christmastime, the group delivers meals and care packages to Great Lakes Naval Station near North Chicago for those who couldn't go home for the holidays.

There also are care packs for first responders in the summer, when the job gets really busy, and in November and December, when statistically the risk of suicide increases.

The group organizes events, like one in June at Cantigny Park in Wheaton, plus bowling and movie nights for veterans, coat drives for homeless veterans and more. Much of the work is done in partnership with like-minded organizations, such as senior centers, Rotary clubs, Girl Scout groups, Kreiner said.

For example, members of the Legion of Honor of the Medinah Shriners helped put together care packages.

"These are guys in their late 80s and early 90s who are coming out because they know how much it means," she said.

Local businesses help, too. The Christmas meals for sailors were provided by Judy's Pizzeria in Highland Park, and Devil Dog Arms donates warehouse space in Geneva.

Support Over Stigma now is working on its "Valentines for Veterans" effort, which last year garnered more than 3,500 cards from across the country, Kreiner said.

Providing counseling

According to the 2021 National Veteran Suicide Prevention report, the average number of daily suicides among U.S. adults rose by 55%, or from 81 to 125.6, between 2001 and 2019. During that same 18-year period, the average number of daily veteran suicides rose by 4.5%, from 16.4 in 2001 to 17.2 in 2019.

Kreiner said she provides nonclinical counseling for veterans after being trained as a "foxhole soul counselor" by Military Outreach USA, a faith-based organization in Northbrook. A unique thing about veterans is that they battle "moral injury," or the painful dichotomy between one's moral tenets and contrary actions, like killing, dictated by the military, she said.

"I hear everything, from 'I'm too broken,' 'I can't tell my wife or my husband because they wouldn't love me anymore if they knew the things I've done,' 'I know God forgives, but I can't forgive myself,'" she said.

"What I tell them is, 'Walk through this one step at a time. As long as you keep taking those steps, keep taking those breaths, there is hope. There are people here who will walk with you.'"

Wayne Lofton of DeKalb, the father of an Army veteran, is a former board member of Support Over Stigma, which he now advises. Lofton said he's seen the effect of PTSD on his son, who struggled badly until he sought counseling.

As a father who didn't get a chance to serve, Lofton wanted to help but realized his limitations.

"You try to do your best to relate and you simply can't," he said. "It's just impossible."

What made a difference for his son was getting expert help and talking with fellow veterans, Lofton said. Now, his son shares his story to help others.

Support Over Stigma also works to help employers understand PTSD to keep veterans successfully employed, said Lofton, who works as executive vice president for Western DuPage Chamber of Commerce.

Lofton praised Kreiner for her dedication to the group.

"This is really her baby," he said. "What she is doing to help those with PTSD is a real thing."

Kreiner, a former event planner, said she devotes 20 to 30 hours per week to the endeavor.

The work can be emotional, she said. One particularly tough time came in August, after the birth of her grandchild, when her feelings of joy were overshadowed by sadness at the thought of children who lost their parents in the military, she recalled. When she struggles, she reaches out to a fellow foxhole soul counselor for support, she said.

One thing Kreiner is passionate about is the language around PTSD.

Calling it post-traumatic stress or post-traumatic stress syndrome would decrease stigma, she said. Also, people shouldn't say "committed suicide," which conveys a negative connotation akin to committing a crime, but instead should opt for "completed suicide," she said.

"It makes a huge difference, especially if there are children involved, to help get over that stigma."

Where to get help and how to donate

YOU CAN GET HELP

If you are a first responder, active-duty military or veteran — or someone you know is — and are struggling with anxiety, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, moral injury or other mental health issue, here is where you can get help:

Support Over Stigma, nonprofit based in St. Charles

• SupportOverStigma.org

• (630) 492-0308

• Email: info@SupportOverStigma.org

Veterans Affairs

• Crisis hotline (800) 273-8255, press 1 if you are a veteran

• PTSD information voice mail (802) 296-6300

• Email: ncptsd@va.gov

•

ptsd.va.gov/gethelp/tx_programs.aspMilitary Outreach USA• Faith-based organization based in Northbrook• Provides “foxhole soul counselors” for free•

militaryoutreachusa.org• (877) 734-4244K9s for Veterans• Nonprofit that helps veterans with PTSD get trained service dogs

k9sforveteransnfp.org• (773) 854-1000Mantra Care• Online counseling•

mantracare.orgHOW TO DONATE• Sign up to volunteer at

supportoverstigma.org/volunteer. Help is needed to pack boxes April 19-24 in Geneva.• Contribute items on this list:

supportoverstigma.org/events-1/amazon-wish-list-ongoing• Make tax-deductible donations by clicking on “

donate” at supportoverstigma.org.• For more information, contact the organization at (630) 492-0308 or info@SupportOverStigma.org