Grammar Moses: Evacuate, everyone! But don't all flush at once

The Daily Herald headline read "Seventy employees evacuated, three hospitalized after ammonia leak at Wheeling pizza factory."

All of you anal-retentive types probably shuddered at the thought.

One of them was staff writer Russell Lissau.

"When people evacuate, they're emptying their bowels," he wrote to me. "When buildings evacuate, it means all the people have left. I learned that one on 'The Wire,' Season 5."

For the unindoctrinated, "The Wire" was a gritty HBO cop show set in Baltimore. It spent some of its final season in a fictionalized Baltimore Sun newsroom. (The show's creator some years earlier had been a reporter in the real version.)

I have yet to watch a full episode of "The Wire," even though several friends with a knowledge of my cinematic and small-screen leanings have recommended it.

However, I did check out a YouTube video of the scene of "The Wire" Russell cites in which city editor Gus Haynes loudly summons reporter Alma Gutierrez in a way that only legendary Daily Herald editors Bob Kyle, Tim Sheil and perhaps Mike Smith would.

Haynes: "You say that 120 people were evacuated."

Gutierrez: "Yeah, they were."

Haynes: "You can't evacuate people. I mean, you can if you want, but that's not what you want to say here."

Copy editor Jay Spry chimes in: "A building can be evacuated. To evacuate a person is to give that person an enema. The details, Miss Gutierrez of The Baltimore Sun, God still resides in the details."

Aaaaand cut.

It's a humorous insight into the persnickety wordplay of the newsroom - and a work of fiction.

We do sweat about choosing the appropriate words, and we sometimes have spirited discussions about them. But bellowing across a crowded newsroom to pick apart something short of libel is unlikely, in my experience.

That's what email is for.

The real fiction here is that it is improper to say "120 people were evacuated" to mean they were pulled out of a dangerous situation.

I have several fine dictionaries and have consulted others online, and they support that position. Sure, the act of giving someone an enema is among the definitions of "evacuate" but a much less used one.

I called a friend, Jenn Pearl, who is a nurse, at the end of a grueling 12-hour hospital shift and gave her a pop quiz.

"How many people were evacuated at your hospital today?" I asked.

Her answer: "Are you talking about a fire drill?"

If anyone would conjure the enema definition, it would be a health care worker who has, well, evacuated people (and she has). So, the lesson is this: Watch TV shows for the entertainment value, not to learn about how things really work. Sometimes, reality just doesn't fit the script.

Big box

Our editors were discussing a story about a proposal to build what's billed as the largest corrugated cardboard factory in America - in Elgin.

"So, is that a BIG box factory or a big BOX factory?" I intoned. Deputy City Editor Robert Sanchez was kind enough to laugh, albeit while muted on the Zoom meeting.

Of course, for the purposes of this column, it's better written out. And it reveals the importance of a hyphen.

If it were a big box factory, it would be a gigantic factory that makes boxes (which at almost 500,000 square feet and with 33 loading docks it certainly would be).

If it were a big-box factory, it would produce either goods for big-box stores or, I suppose, squeeze out big-box stores.

I'm guessing a half-million-square-foot factory isn't even big enough to do the latter.

Write carefully!

• Jim Baumann is vice president/managing editor of the Daily Herald. Write him at jbaumann@dailyherald.com. Put Grammar Moses in the subject line. You also can friend or follow Jim at facebook.com/baumannjim.