Psychologist offers tips to help you, your kids cope with Capitol attacks
Images of rioters thundering up the U.S. Capitol steps, smashing windows and menacing police officers sparked shock, helplessness, anxiety and sorrow in many who watched the chaos unfold.
The resulting trauma prompted some to seek counseling, said psychologist Dr. Marloes Verhoeven, who reported “seeing clients nonstop” Thursday. Many were suffering anxiety and panic attacks in response to Wednesday's events, said Verhoeven, a psychologist with Oasis Mental Health in Aurora.
The events that unfolded in Washington, D.C., may be especially disturbing to children, who the National Education Association says must be reassured that peace will prevail.
“We must come together ... to show our students that we will stand together against politicians who incite violence and those who act on it ... We will protect our democracy. The world is watching. Our students are watching,” said NEA President Becky Pringle in a prepared statement included in a report at nea.org.
But calming youngsters requires effort.
“No one in the history of calming down has ever been calmed down by being told to calm down,” said Verhoeven.
She recommends an alternate approach she calls “regulate, relate and reason,” and she says people should follow it in that order.
An expert at treating people with trauma, Verhoeven says the approach — which she describes as the three Rs — is appropriate for everyone from preschoolers to adults.
It's important to first “regulate” or manage one's emotions and stress level, perhaps through meditation, deep breathing exercises or venting to a friend, she said.
“If our anxiety is through the roof we're not going to be able to calm a child,” she said.
The second step, said Verhoeven, is to “relate” or validate one's own feelings or those of a child. That means acknowledging that feeling scared or vulnerable right now is normal.
It's also important to reinforce to children that they are safe and to be honest with them, Verhoeven said.
“Don't say everything is going to be all right if you don't think it's going to be all right,” she said.
Once a person's emotions have been managed and their feelings acknowledged, it's time to “reason,” Verhoeven said. That means talking over the traumatic events and considering the bigger picture.
“It's true there are certain things we can't control,” she said, “but we have control of how we take care of each other and how deal with this as a family.”
Verhoeven says it's important for parents and caregivers to listen to children and allow them to share their feelings.
“Do not quiet, silence, dismiss or invalidate how children are feeling” — however those emotions may manifest, she said.
A 16-year-old might show anger while a 5-year-old may be more withdrawn, Verhoeven said.
Lastly, Verhoeven suggested talking a walk, doing an art project, playing a game and generally limiting exposure to TV and social media.
“It can truly can be traumatizing — and I'm not using the term lightly — to watch all those images,” she said.