Grammar Moses: Comma, comma, comma, comma, comma chameleon

When you're in the mood for a little grammatical navel-gazing, it's fun to consider how the smallest things can have a large impact.

Let's focus today on the comma.

Commas wear many colors and can do many things. There, did I justify my anachronistic headline?

Attribution

• I often admonish writers to include a second comma when putting attribution in the middle of a sentence. Without it, the sentence can change meaning.

For instance: If you stand on your head and drink a grape Nehi, Bob said, you will get stomach cramps.

This sentence is properly attributed to Bob, with commas wrapped around the attribution. Bob is describing the stomach cramps one will get as a result of drinking soda while standing on his head.

Now, remove the comma after "said": If you stand on your head and drink a grape Nehi, Bob said you will get stomach cramps.

In this case, what the sentence says is that Bob's warning about cramps is contingent upon someone standing on his head and shotgunning a grape soda. In other words, Bob didn't warn you this would happen; he waited until you'd done it.

It becomes a simple if/then statement rather than a statement attributed to Bob.

That was not the intention.

The truth is, if I stand on my head and shotgun a grape Nehi, I don't get stomach cramps. I do, however, get a horrible sinus headache, flash-frozen nostrils and sticky hair. I know, because I tried it once.

Who's that?

I received a Grinch-themed postcard from my friend Bob that contains a typo.

"So he called his dog Max," it began.

Without a comma separating "dog" and "Max," the sentence means the Grinch gave his dog a name.

That's not what Dr. Seuss intended.

What he meant was the Grinch summoned his dog, whose name is Max. The one-word clause "Max" indicates which dog the Grinch summoned.

Your life depends on it

Opinion Page Editor Jim Slusher, a fellow word nerd, inspired today's topic by recommending I explore the use of the comma with dependent and independent clauses, especially with "because" phrases.

He provided two sentences whose meanings differ because of the comma.

"I told my wife I'd be on time, because my life depended on it."

And "I told my wife I'd be on time because my life depended on it."

"In the first sentence, if I hadn't told my wife I'd be on time, I would have died. In the second, if I hadn't been on time, I'd have died."

Emphasis

Here is another example of the subtle power of the comma, also from Slusher:

Consider the title of Hemingway's short story "The Short Happy Life of Francis Macomber."

"There is, of course, no comma there, and that's significant to the meaning of the story," he said. "Francis Macomber does die as a comparatively young man, but the real point of the story is he is a cowardly and cuckolded wimp until he finally shows some courage at the end and suddenly feels alive and free for the first time.

"So, the point is not that his life was short and happy; it's that the happy portion of his life was short. If Hemingway had titled it 'The Short, Happy Life of Francis Macomber,' it would have missed a critical point."

I'll concede that much of what I've discussed here amounts to navel-gazing and likely will not change anyone's life. But what I'm about to tell you just might.

There actually is a word for navel-gazing: omphaloskepsis.

Happy New Year! And, as always, write carefully.

• Jim Baumann is vice president/managing editor of the Daily Herald. Write him at jbaumann@dailyherald.com. Put Grammar Moses in the subject line. You also can friend or follow Jim at facebook.com/baumannjim.