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Grammar Moses: Is 'aqua-based cremation' really cremation?

The story pitch went a little something like this: "A new business is seeking permission from the village board to open an aqua-based crematorium. As proposed, human and animal remains would be cremated by a water-based solution, as opposed to the more commonly known flame-based method."

Well, that's a story I simply must read.

During my days at Prospect High School, I was unknown by most of the student body, except my cadre of nerds, a few sympathetic athletes and those who desperately wanted to copy my chemistry homework.

I enjoyed surreptitious chemistry experiments in those days, when you could still get your hands on a bottle of mercury and didn't worry about how dangerous it was.

I knew that if you took a hunk of sodium out of its mineral oil bath and dropped it in a bucket of water, you would get a nasty exothermic reaction with fire and sparks and a lot of noise.

I learned that day SODIUM BURNS IN WATER.

I was not a bomb-maker, mind you. I was just curious about real-life reactions to that which I was reading about in class. It was stupid behavior that belied the A's I was getting in class.

Perhaps it's all the mercury I played with as a teen that leads me to this high school flashback. But the sodium experiment is the memory I seized on while trying to envision how one might perform an "aqua-based" cremation.

We all know that a cremation involves a furnace burning up everything but the bones.

With "aqua cremation," a body is placed in a vat containing water and corrosive lye (potassium hydroxide for you fellow chemistry nerds), put under pressure and heated to about 160 degrees so everything but the bones dissolves.

It uses less energy and creates less air pollution than the traditional method. The process was made legal in Illinois eight years ago.

You decide whether burial, traditional cremation or alkaline hydrolysis (as aqua-based cremation is better known) is the way to go. I'm just glad I won't be around to experience any of the options.

My point here is this is not "cremation."

"Cremation" is, by definition, the disposal of a dead person's body by burning it to ashes with flame.

Mortuary science is an arena as replete with euphemisms as any I can think of, and quite understandably so. Nobody wants to talk - or think - about all the icky stuff involved with the death of a loved one. The emotional toll is enough.

But with no flames involved, can it really be a cremation?

Now that I have you thinking about a palatable alternative that's also accurate, I'll apologize for not having one of my own.

Oh, and I apologize if I've ruined your breakfast.

To 'each' his own

In response to a recent column in which I wrote that my wife and I "agreed the washer and dryer we had to buy a few weeks ago would serve as our gifts to one another," here is reader David Montville's response:

"I'm not sure if this is a bona fide 'gotcha.' I was taught to use 'each other' when referring to two people, and 'one another' for three or more."

Well, this is a new one on me, but it checks out. So I offer Dave a golf clap in exchange for the column idea.

My research notes that they've been used interchangeably for hundreds of years. In the context of my washer and dryer sentence, my "each other" creates no confusion because there are just the two of us.

However, if Oprah were to have the same thought you might envision a "You get appliances! You get appliances! You get appliances!" scenario.

Write carefully!

• Jim Baumann is vice president/managing editor of the Daily Herald. Write him at jbaumann@dailyherald.com. Put Grammar Moses in the subject line. You also can friend or follow Jim at facebook.com/baumannjim.

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