Grammar Moses: If I were a Pip, that would be a pip!

In response to last weekend's column on advertising typos, astute reader and consumer Trey Higgins sent me another.

For fear of offending the pizza gods - and the purveyor of these pies, in my estimation, belongs on Mount Olympus - I will not mention the name of the business. But this emailed solicitation speaks about the societal benefits of its "pipping hot deep dish pizza."

Pipping, huh?

I go back to my early days to show you the image this conjures in my mind.

When I was 12, I fell madly in love with Gladys Knight. "Midnight Train To Georgia" became my favorite song that year, and it remains firmly ensconced in my all-time Top 5. I even thought about a career as a Pip, so I could be close to her.

I doubt I ever disclosed my affection or my early career goals to my parents, because many of my contemporaries were still of a mind that girls were "gross."

Fast-forward 46 years to present day, and what I envision upon reading that ad is a delicious deep-dish pizza, served by a man who would twirl a few times as he brought it to the table and give a couple of pantomimed tugs on the train horn for maximum effect.

One of the three Pips, Gladys' cousin William Guest, died several years ago.

Gladys tours as a solo act these days, so if this journalism thing doesn't work out for me perhaps there is still a second career for me onstage.

That would be a pip of a story!

Radio, radio

While I'm on an advertising tear, I was overjoyed the other day to hear on the radio (for some sort of automotive-related business) this tagline: "We go further so you can go farther."

Whoa! That's really clever. I know people in advertising, and to them "clever" is tricky. You don't want to speak above your audience's heads. You want to simplify your message.

But this ad makes the distinction between "further" (meaning depth or degree) with "farther" (meaning distance).

Anecdotal evidence hints that a small percentage of English speakers know the difference. That just makes me want to buy a car or whatever automotive service that company is selling.

And then I was abruptly brought back to earth with the ad that followed.

It came from a municipality in the Northwest suburbs hawking its "unique, one-of-a-kind" businesses.

Those of you reading this probably know that if something is "unique" it is "one of a kind" and vice versa. It's redundant.

Perhaps these businesses sell thesauruses or combinations of belts and suspenders.

Not quite the same

For the next several weeks I plan to devote a portion of this column to words that look or sound very similar but are, in reality, disastrously different.

I'll start with "gimlet" and "giblet."

A gimlet is a simple and delicious cocktail of gin and lime juice.

I look forward to the day when the Daily Herald expands its "Best Martini in the 'Burbs" contest to include gin drinks in general so I could judge them, too.

A giblet is an organ of a bird that, unless you're a hunter, you'll find in a sealed white plastic bag in the cavity of the creature - with any luck before the bird is cooked.

Remarked Grammar Moses editor Michelle Holdway: "If someone enters a giblet martini in next year's DH contest, run away."

Write carefully!

• Jim Baumann is vice president/managing editor of the Daily Herald. Write him at jbaumann@dailyherald.com. Put Grammar Moses in the subject line. You also can friend or follow Jim at facebook.com/baumannjim.