Funerals during COVID-19: No crowds, no hugs, no handshakes

The long line to express condolences, followed by a pause at the casket to pay respects to someone who has died. Hugging a bereaved friend. Looking at a poster board of photos of the deceased and sharing stories about their lives.

These funeral traditions have fallen victim to the COVID-19 pandemic.

You can see it in what's missing now from many newspaper obituaries: A time, date and place for wakes and funeral services. Instead, families are holding private services, or are postponing them until after the crisis.

“You can never be too safe,” said Bryan Moss, owner of the Moss Family Funeral Home in Batavia and St. Charles.

He is following advice from state and national funeral directors' associations that call for fewer people attending wakes and services. Clients are issuing invitations to funerals, rather than publicizing a date and time.

Moss had expected this week to have a large visitation and service for a man in his 30s, a married father who was heavily involved in the community. Instead, the family postponed the memorial service until May.

Even though his buildings can accommodate two funerals at a time, he is limiting it to one. He also has closed the refreshment room, where families typically take a break.

Roman Catholics believe burying the dead is one of seven “corporal acts of mercy,” ways to show love to people by taking care of their physical needs. A funeral shows respect for life, and is a way to support people.

But now, the Archdiocese of Chicago advises that no more than 10 people at a time attend a visitation or funeral Mass. Touching people, such as shaking hands, is discouraged.

Cemeteries

Committal rites at the 45 Catholic Cemeteries of Chicago are to be done at the graveside, not in the chapels, under guidelines issued by the archdiocese last week. As with funerals, no more than 10 people should attend.

Secular cemeteries are advising the same 10-person attendance limit. At Clarendon Hills Cemetery in Darien, mourners are asked to stay in their cars until the casket has been moved to the gravesite, and are to return to their cars before the casket is lowered.

Spiritual health

This is the first time the Rev. Eric Kennaugh of Immanuel Lutheran Church in Batavia has had to deal with such a crisis, in his 19 years of being a pastor.

Two families postponed memorial services last week, he said.

Another funeral - for a 74-year-old woman who had been active in the church and community - probably would have drawn a crowd of 100 or more people in normal times, Kennaugh said. Instead, there were about 25 people, mostly relatives.

“We tried to make it as normal as we could, to try to give them some closure,” he said. That included having the church organist play music.

He attended a wake last week where an empty row of chairs was put between the immediate family and the mourners, to maintain physical distance.

“We are encouraging people if they can, if the person is cremated, to wait” to have a memorial service, Kennaugh said.

For those whose relatives are being buried, “We would do graveside (service) for the family, so we can give them that closure,” he said.

Kennaugh noted that in the Christian tradition, a funeral service focuses on the living, not the dead.

“It's about what God has done for them (the deceased) not about what they did,” he added.

Because Christians believe they will one day be resurrected, the service reassures them they will be reunited in Heaven. Having a pastor say that, in person, makes it more concrete, Kennaugh said.

And while his church, like many, is conducting worship services online during the crisis, he doesn't foresee video funerals.

“It loses that personal touch in a moment where people really need it,” Kennaugh said.