Grammar Moses: When your ill-gotten windfall isn't as big as you expected

You've read me rail against advertisers who err on the side of big numbers over good math when talking about their products.

You know, the "two times more absorbent" claim, which is meant to be synonymous with "twice as absorbent" but really means "three times as absorbent."

Argh!

Sometimes the misunderstanding is the fault of the advertiser. And sometimes it's the fault of the listener.

Take the radio ad that extols the merits of a personal injury law firm:

The voice-over person says the firm will give you a 10% reduction in its fees if you hire it to represent you and you win your case.

You think to yourself, "If I were to somehow slip and fall going down the stairs of a popular fast-food franchise and do a face-plant, breaking all of my teeth, I could make a million bucks!"

Then you realize your lawyer generally gets 33% of your award or settlement, leaving you with a cool $670,000, right?

Yes. If you're hinky and stupid enough to stage slip-and-falls, you already know you'll get that.

So if you're of a mind to engage in this sort of nefarious activity, you might think, "Oooh, if I go with this law firm, I can shave 10% off that 33%, making its end 23%. That means I would limp away with $770,000 and, in addition to buying that McMansion I've been eyeing, I could buy the missus and me a pair of matching Jet Skis and a trailer and a new truck to pull it."

Slow down, buddy.

When the attorney says he will give you 10% off his fees, that 10% is not applied to the million-dollar settlement but rather to his $333,000 fee. That means instead of shaving $100,000 off your fee, your attorney is reducing it by only $33,000.

That will still buy you a pair of Jet Skis and a trailer, but you can kiss the new truck goodbye.

Jimmy Mnemonic

I've heard people are confused about when to use "concave" and "convex."

Perhaps it's because I occasionally suffer physics class flashbacks, but I've never had a problem distinguishing them.

"Concave" means something has an outline that curves inward, a depression. "Convex" is something that bulges outward, a mound. Think of those rounded mirrors that catch you pocketing a candy bar at the convenience store.

An easy way to remember this is that a "cave" goes inward.

Speaking of caves (I talk out loud when I type), do you know the difference between a stalactite and a stalagmite?

A stalactite hangs tight to the ceiling. Dripping stalactites form stalagmites, which grow from a cave floor.

Mnemonics are devices using words, ideas or associations to help you remember things.

Back to the "cave" mnemonic, which is very popular. I just made up my own: A dimple is concave; a pimple is convex.

Write carefully and think critically!

• Jim Baumann is vice president/managing editor of the Daily Herald. Write him at jbaumann@dailyherald.com. Put Grammar Moses in the subject line. You also can friend or follow Jim at facebook.com/baumannjim.