Grammar Moses: In defense of 'thing'

For years, one of my favorite movies was John Carpenter's 1982 remake of the James Arness walking carrot horror film, "The Thing From Another World."

In this "The Thing," Kurt Russell plays a sombrero-wearing chopper pilot working with 11 other men on an Arctic outpost. They discover an alien that seeks refuge in ... them ... to survive.

It's a wonderful, gory, effects-laden thriller with doses of Agatha Christie and Red Scare paranoia.

Have I suddenly become a movie critic? Nah.

It's just that in a recent column a reader decried the lazy use of "thing" in a poem he'd written.

In the case of this movie, the lack of specificity in describing the creature forces us to conjure our own visions for what this sort of, well, "thing" might be. It also conveys a sort of unknowingness of and indescribability about what lies beyond our world.

So I see the benefit in calling the remake "The Thing." The abbreviated title also separates it from its predecessor from 1951.

Would you watch a movie titled "The Alien That Assumes The Body Of Its Host But Reacts Very Poorly To Fire"?

It's no fun when the title gives away too much of the plot.

Another thing

The poem also got Scott Zapel thinking. He wrote me a rebuttal to the poem in the form of a series of quotations from well-respected people.

He writes: "When I read your column, the Shakespeare quotation reverberated in my head. If 'thing' - as in 'The play's the thing' - was good enough for Will, it should be good enough for us. I have my own pet peeves, so I have sympathy for your reader who has a bugbear about 'thing.' I don't share that particular irritation, however."

"I am the wisest man alive, for I know one thing, and that is that I know nothing."

~ Socrates

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing."

~ Edmund Burke

"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself."

~ Franklin D. Roosevelt

"The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn't said."

~ Peter Drucker

"Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning."

~ Albert Einstein

"Winning isn't everything, it's the only thing."

~ Vince Lombardi

"The only thing worse than being blind is having sight but no vision."

~ Helen Keller

"In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing."

~ Theodore Roosevelt

"You can always count on Americans to do the right thing - after they've tried everything else."

~ Winston Churchill

And another thing

Reader Terry Valentino had this to say: "I oftentimes bring to a person's attention that what they did or what I observed was 'not a bad thing or a good thing. It was just a thing.' That's my way of trying to get them to ponder the true intent of their behavior or words. I've responded to folks like that for years. It's just a 'thing' I do."

One last thing

Lyricist Irving Mills had this to say in this Duke Ellington classic: "It don't mean a thing if it ain't got that swing.

(Doo wah, doo wah, doo wah, doo wah)"

Write carefully!

• Jim Baumann is vice president/managing editor of the Daily Herald. Write him at jbaumann@dailyherald.com. Put Grammar Moses in the subject line. You also can friend or follow Jim at facebook.com/baumannjim.