How to pave the way to a positive patient experience

Do you ever say to yourself, “I really don't like my doctor?” Chances are it's mutual.

We don't tend to like people who don't like us — that's just human nature. And certainly, in health care as in life, we're not going to like everyone we come across.

But what could make a doctor dislike a patient, and vice versa? More importantly, is there anything you can do about it, short of finding a new doctor?

Why you don't like your doctor

A good relationship with your doctor is not a “nice to have” — it can affect your health. Some factors that play into a poor relationship:

You feel unheard, or even ignored

When we aren't feeling well, we visit our doctor hoping they will help us heal. We bring our concerns, symptoms, history and questions. In exchange, we expect some answers — or at least interest in our concerns.

But then maybe our doctor says, “You have to expect that at your age,” or “I don't think that's anything.” And just like that, your concerns are dismissed as you're told you're overreacting or exaggerating your symptoms.

You feel as if you're being stereotyped

It's natural for us to make assumptions about people when we first meet them, and doctors are no exception. When the doctor walks in and sees a young person, they may naturally assume that there can't be much wrong with this person.

But young doesn't necessarily equate with healthy. And old doesn't necessarily equate with unhealthy, cognitively impaired or frail. We may not like a doctor who doesn't try to get to know us as an individual, rather than a collection of assumptions.

You feel rushed out the door

It's not your imagination. Researchers who videotaped 400 primary care visits and analyzed them found that the median visit length was 15.7 minutes covering six topics. About 5 minutes were spent on the longest topic, whereas the remaining topics each received 1.1 minutes. They concluded that a doctor's highly regimented schedule interferes with a patient's ability to discuss multiple or complex problems.

The demands of today's health care system mean that doctors are “on the clock,” but if your doctor isn't using some basic communication skills (listening without interrupting, making eye contact), you may find yourself not only dissatisfied with them but also disliking them.

Why your doctor doesn't like you

Difficult patients make life harder for their health care providers, whether they know it or not. Here are some factors that may make your doctor say “oh, no” when they see you're in the exam room.

You don't follow orders

Noncompliant patients have poorer health outcomes — and they waste everyone's time and money. Patients don't intend to be noncompliant, but if they don't understand what's being said or don't take their medications as prescribed, imagine how frustrating that is to a doctor who's only trying to help.

You talk too much

A doctor, even one who's a good communicator, who finds it hard to get a word in edgewise won't be in your fan club. Remember, your appointment may last 15 minutes if you're lucky, and if you spend it prattling on — well, your doctor won't tell you to put a sock in it, but they may be tempted.

You come off as angry or, worse, entitled

Health care providers are only human, so they gravitate to those who are pleasant to deal with and understanding of their time constraints and challenges. Angry patients are their own worst enemy. They may feel better for unloading, but their doctor? Not so much.

What you can do

The answer to the question, “Is it you or is it your doctor?” might be “It's both of you.”

If you want good health care, start by doing the things you can control. Be on time for appointments, come prepared with a list of questions and concerns, then listen and follow your doctor's instructions. You can even bring someone to advocate for you, a spouse, family member or patient advocate.

As for what your doctor can do to improve your relationship, tell them what would make your partnership stronger. If you feel they're not listening, bring it to their attention — respectfully — and with specifics: “Please try not to interrupt me.” “Could you look at me when you're speaking to me?” Reminders like these could help them be more mindful of their behavior with patients.

We all want a doctor we like and trust. And we want our doctor to like and trust us. Treat each other as allies, not enemies.

• Teri Dreher is a board-certified patient advocate. A critical care nurse for 30+ years, she is founder of NShore Patient Advocates (www.NorthShoreRN.com). Her book, “How to Be a Healthcare Advocate for Yourself & Your Loved Ones,” is available on Amazon. She is offering a free phone consultation to Daily Herald readers; call her at (312) 788-2640 or email teri@northshorern.com.