Don't let grief stop you from enjoying barbecues and fathers

By Susan Anderson-Khleif

Daily Herald Columnist

Here we are again, on the brink of July 4 - usually a family-and-friends holiday. A parade and barbecue holiday.

In many families, it's a holiday where the men do the cooking on an outdoor grill. At least the tradition used to be that way. It's the same for Father's Day, which was just last month.

But both the Fourth of July barbecue and the recent Father's Day barbecue are different now for many of us. They've changed because many fathers, husbands, partners, grown sons and brothers have died.

This year, for me, Father's Day went by in a blur because the reasons I used to celebrate are now gone. My dear Baheej, my own father and both my brothers have died. Both grandfathers gone long ago.

But then it occurred to me, my two sons are fathers. Three nephews are fathers. My granddaughters' husbands are fathers. I shall celebrate them!

All live far away, so no family barbecue, but I can write about them. They are all great fathers. Because of them, I have wonderful grandchildren, great grandchildren and grand nieces and nephews.

We can also celebrate the memory of our beloveds on Father's Day and the Fourth of July. That's what I will do. It's a plan. Baheej always enjoyed these holidays.

The point is: After thinking about it, I see I have many reasons to celebrate fathers - in addition to Independence Day. And I can start with tomorrow! It may not be a family barbecue, but the parade will march by and my friend, Mary, is probably coming over to watch with me. I can rustle up some lunch. Steaks can be broiled - they don't have to be barbecued.

Happy Fourth of July!

• Susan Anderson-Khleif of Sleepy Hollow has a doctorate in family sociology from Harvard, taught at Wellesley College and is a retired Motorola executive. Contact her at sakhleif@comcast.net or see her blog longtermgrief.tumblr.com. See previous columns at www.dailyherald.com/topics/Anderson-Kleif-Susan.